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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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Confronting the Comparison Trap

by Susan Alexander Yates

“She always gets to go first. You never let me…”

If you’ve spent any time around kids, chances are you’ve heard something like that!

Ever since Adam and Eve we’ve always wanted something we don’t have. Envy is a given. Jealousy is common. It is pretty blatant in our children but often we fail to recognize it in ourselves.

Photo by StockSnap on Pixabay

It’s easy for us women to get caught in a comparison trap without even realizing it. We may compare ourselves to women we see from afar or even to our close friends.

  • She is dating someone and I haven’t had a date in years.
  • She has an exciting career and mine stinks.
  • She is always dressed with style. My outfit is way “last year” and ugly.
  • She’s fit and looks it. I am not and feel it.
  • She seems to have lots of friends. I’m still longing for one soul sister.
  • Her child is polite.  He looks an adult in the eye and speaks clearly. Mine hides behind me or looks at the ground.
  • Her kids get all the awards and mine just show up.
  • Her house is probably clean and organized. I still have dishes left from yesterday.
  • Her marriage seems perfect. Mine is in a hard place.
  • She’s gifted in so many ways and I’m, well…

Sound familiar?

No matter what age we are, it’s easy to look at other women and feel “less than.”

We have to remember that there is always data missing.

This is especially important in our social media age. People post their best selves on Facebook and Instagram — their adorable children, their date night with their husband, their fabulous vacation.

You aren’t seeing the whole picture. You may see someone with a fabulous life, a host of friends, a wonderful marriage. But you can’t see the pain she is facing, the difficult personal relationship, or the health struggles she hasn’t shared with you.

No one has in all together.

We are all broken.

The one thing we have in common is our spiritual poverty.  We need a Savior.

Sometimes I ask myself, “Where are my eyes?” 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

My Eyes are often in one of 3 places: myself, others, or my circumstances.

Am I looking at myself? If so, I will be disappointed either in who I am or in who I am not. If I am looking around at other women, I can fall into the comparison trap manifesting itself in envy, jealousy, or a critical spirit.  If I am looking at my circumstances I can become dissatisfied, plagued by a case of the “if onlys.” If only I had financial stability. If only my husband understood. If only…

God wants me to fix my eyes on Him. He will reassure me of His unique calling in my life. I am not meant to be like someone else. He has very specific plans for me, unlike anyone else’s.  When He looks at me He is pleased with His creation.

As you go through your day today (and as you look at your social media feeds!), ask yourself, “Where are my eyes?”     

 “The Lord be exalted who delights in the well being of his servant.”  Psalm 35:27b

At this very moment He is delighting in YOU!

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Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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  • A few good reads…and a summer break.
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More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend. Such a joy! ⁣
⁣
Be sure to check out the blog for more details and pics. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
* Poppy (John) is always happy to get help with the horses and the kids love them.⁣
* There's always a competition of some kind going on! Volleyball, a hula hoop contest, a ping-pong tournament. ⁣
* The "ice cream gutter" is a cherished annual tradition!⁣
* Lots of hanging out, and even some quiet moments, but not a lot of sleep. ⁣
⁣
If you want to host a camp or family event of your own, check out my book Cousin Camp for all kinds of ideas. (Link in bio.)⁣
⁣
#christianmom #christianfamily #grandparent #cousincamp #familycamp
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: 
Mystery 
 
One Verse:
“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
One Thought:
You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation, still celebrating 54 years of marriage! We had a fun dinner, sharing about folks who have been role models-mentors for us in ministry and family life over these years. It sparked a fun discussion and thankful memories!
We're so grateful we got to host another Family Ca We're so grateful we got to host another Family Camp over Labor Day weekend!⁣
⁣
Here's a peek behind the scenes. I'm sharing all the details (and more pics!) over on the blog, check it out. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
1 - We had 33 of us this year!⁣
2 - So much prep and shopping. But I never clean before they come because I learned that's futile. 😜⁣
3 - Lots of cousin bonding.⁣
4 - My daughter-in-law @christenbyates, who's a professional artist, set up an art station this year and the kids loved it.⁣
5 - Cousins with their camp journals. (I keep the journals at my house and they get to write in them every year.)⁣
6 - John led a short teaching time every day, this year on Psalm 139.⁣
7 - Meals are crazy when you're cooking for 33 people!⁣
8 - There are shoes everywhere. 😂 ⁣
9 - The kids actually did dinner cleanup this year, without any prompting! ⁣
10 - A few of our guys.💙⁣
⁣
#christianfamily #cousincamp #familycamp #christianmom #grandparent
One Word: Shows One Verse: “But God shows hi One Word:  Shows
 
One Verse:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
 
One Thought:

If you, God Almighty, would send your son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.
Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our you Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our youngest grands. (We have 21!)

Catch the blog later this week for details and more pics.
This photo of me and John is from our trip to Isra This photo of me and John is from our trip to Israel last fall. When we first got married, I didn't know what being a pastor's wife would entail. Now after more than 50 years of marriage I understand a little better (although I can always learn more!).⁣
⁣
I'm sharing an interview over on my blog with @thegospelcoalition's Front Row Seat series on Supporting Our Husbands.⁣
⁣
We discussed how pastors’ wives can support and encourage their husbands in ministry, marriage, and life. But so much of this applies to any marriage, whether your husband is a pastor or not.⁣
⁣
Check it out -- link in bio, or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog⁣
⁣
You might want to share it with your pastor's wife -- it will encourage her!⁣
⁣
@kristen_wetherell  @kario312⁣
⁣
#christianwife  #pastorswife  #christianmarriage
One Word: Founder One Verse: “...let us run One Word:  Founder
 
One Verse:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12: 1-2
 
One Thought:

You are the author of my faith. You began it, Father. It is yours. I ask you to be perfecting it. Thank you that even this isn't up to me. My part is to fix my eyes on you and let you do your work within me.
This is how we feel right now -- we finished our A This is how we feel right now -- we finished our Annual Family Camp yesterday!

4 days with 33 kids and grands; 19 teens sleeping on floors and outside, 44 bags of trash, 15 gallons of ice cream, 67 dirty towels, 135 ping pong games, 90 individual miles hiking on the AT, gleaning from Psalm 139, 532 tickles and hugs, and 2 exhausted grandparents--who are deliriously grateful!

More pics coming soon.

* numbers are estimates 😆

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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