Confronting the Comparison Trap

“She always gets to go first. You never let me…”

If you’ve spent any time around kids, chances are you’ve heard something like that!

Ever since Adam and Eve we’ve always wanted something we don’t have. Envy is a given. Jealousy is common. It is pretty blatant in our children but often we fail to recognize it in ourselves.

Photo by StockSnap on Pixabay

It’s easy for us women to get caught in a comparison trap without even realizing it. We may compare ourselves to women we see from afar or even to our close friends.

• She is dating someone and I haven’t had a date in years.
• She has an exciting career and mine stinks.
• She is always dressed with style. My outfit is way “last year” and ugly.
• She’s fit and looks it. I am not and feel it.
• She seems to have lots of friends. I’m still longing for one soul sister.
• Her child is polite.  He looks an adult in the eye and speaks clearly. Mine hides behind me or looks at the ground.
• Her kids get all the awards and mine just show up.
• Her house is probably clean and organized. I still have dishes left from yesterday.
• Her marriage seems perfect. Mine is in a hard place.
• She’s gifted in so many ways and I’m, well…

Sound familiar?

No matter what age we are, it’s easy to look at other women and feel “less than.”

We have to remember that there is always data missing.

This is especially important in our social media age. People post their best selves on Facebook and Instagram — their adorable children, their date night with their husband, their fabulous vacation.

You aren’t seeing the whole picture. You may see someone with a fabulous life, a host of friends, a wonderful marriage. But you can’t see the pain she is facing, the difficult personal relationship, or the health struggles she hasn’t shared with you.

No one has in all together.

We are all broken.

The one thing we have in common is our spiritual poverty.  We need a Savior.

Sometimes I ask myself, “Where are my eyes?” 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

My Eyes are often in one of 3 places: myself, others, or my circumstances.

Am I looking at myself? If so, I will be disappointed either in who I am or in who I am not. If I am looking around at other women, I can fall into the comparison trap manifesting itself in envy, jealousy, or a critical spirit.  If I am looking at my circumstances I can become dissatisfied, plagued by a case of the “if onlys.” If only I had financial stability. If only my husband understood. If only…

God wants me to fix my eyes on Him. He will reassure me of His unique calling in my life. I am not meant to be like someone else. He has very specific plans for me, unlike anyone else’s.  When He looks at me He is pleased with His creation.

As you go through your day today (and as you look at your social media feeds!), ask yourself, “Where are my eyes?”     

 “The Lord be exalted who delights in the well being of his servant.”  Psalm 35:27b

At this very moment He is delighting in YOU!