• About
  • Books
  • One Word
  • Cousin Camp
  • Speaking
  • Audio
  • Blog
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

Wisdom for Every Season

  • Character
  • Faith
  • Family
  • Seasons
  • Marriage
  • Parenting
  • Cousin Camp
  • Ask Susan

How Do You Do It? (Questions for a Mom of Quads)

by Susan Alexander Yates

clip_image001-1200x797

Our daughter Libby (who is a twin) gave birth to quadruplets last fall. When they (one girl and three boys, all fraternal) were born, her oldest daughter, Grey, was not quite two. Suddenly this 31-year-old was the mother of five children under the age of two! Yes, life has changed forever!

Now that the quads have turned six months old, we asked Libby to share what life with quads is like with all of us by asking her to answer six questions others often ask.

How do you do “it?” What’s “it” like?

I’ve learned to take one day at a time. I have to wake up every morning and think, today is a fresh morning. I get to start all over. This perspective helps.

I’ve also learned to accept help. This has been hard because I know I can never pay folks back — like the friend who has already cooked five complete meals for me and another who just made 200 ounces of organic baby food. Receiving is hard for me when I know I can’t do something for them in return. But what I’ve seen is that permitting them to be involved with our family is a blessing to them. I have to hope they are helping us because they want to, and I have to trust they are blessed by it. I have to choose to believe people want to help and let them be a part of our family. In the process, we have gotten to know some wonderful people we otherwise would not have known. And we have a wonderful nanny, Kiersten, who helps me during the weekdays.

I’ve also had to recognize my limits and learn what I need to make it through the day. For example, exercise is crucial for me, and I listen to worship CDs as I exercise. And a brief time (even as I pump!) in devotional time is crucial.

I’ve learned to listen to and accept crying as a part of the normal sounds of my house! I have had to get used to it! It’s actually harder for Grey (age two-and-a-half), who often rushes to comfort a crying baby.

What fears did you have before they were born and how have you seen those allayed?

Of course I was most afraid for the babies’ health. I know and appreciate the miracle of their birth and their health.

I was afraid I would not know how to love each one as much as I love Grey. I’m still in process with this. There are so many of them, and with different folks helping, I don’t have the time to focus on each one as I did Grey. So bonding naturally takes longer.

I was concerned about how this would impact our marriage. But I’ve seen that McLean and I have a better partnership than we ever imagined. I could not do this with anyone else, so we see even more now why God put us together.

Another fear was that I couldn’t spend enough time with each child. And I can’t!  Instead, I have to remember that God will provide what each child needs. The children get lots of attention from others, but they will also learn to be dependent on each other. I’ve assigned each child one day of the week. That day, I try to spend extra bonding time with that child, and I try to pray more throughout the day for that particular child. So Grey is my Monday child, Mimi is Tuesday, and so forth.

quads

What’s the hardest time of the day right now?

Definitely 5:30 – 7:30 p.m. Everyone is awake, hungry, and crying and also grumpy — including me!

What have been the biggest challenges so far? What little things have helped these challenges?

It’s been hard to have people in my house all the time and not feel like I have space or alone time. What helps is remembering that this is how I bless them: by letting them be a part of our lives.

It’s hard not to lose my temper with the babies. I have to remind myself that they are babies. They are crying because they need something — they aren’t trying to irritate me! Crying is part of the normal sound of our house in this season.

I can’t multitask in the same way I once did. Sometimes I just have to stop what I am doing and take care of a baby. And I have to be flexible. This morning I went for a walk with the babies at 6:20 a.m. My husband wasn’t feeling well and needed to sleep, so I had to get fussy kids outside. It also helps to simplify. I don’t put babies in pj’s. They just sleep in what they already have on. They don’t get a bath every day.

It’s hard not to lose patience with my husband, McLean, especially when it’s just the two of us during the dinner hours and early morning hours (as well as throughout the night!). We have made a deal not to take anything personally at these times — to ignore what each other says or does as much as possible. Our rawness doesn’t have anything to do with us; it’s more about the exhaustion and the time of day with its unique demands.

I can’t get things done the way I once did. I have to lower my expectations, as well as be creative. When I go up or down the stairs, I always carry something like laundry. The babies are all in the same room, which helps. I shop online. Many places have free delivery. I let Grey help with feeding and changing babies.

How do you protect your relationship with Grey in the midst of all the demands of her siblings?

Every day, I try to take her outside for time alone with her. I’ve also realized I can let a baby cry and spend five minutes reading to her. It will not hurt the baby. I’m trying to let her make more decisions — like what she wants to wear, or what baby she wants to change. She loves the babies and likes to help change them. The other day, one of the boys squirted her right as she was changing him. It was hysterical. Often if she hears one cry, she’ll respond, “Oh, Mimi, you are fine. I am right here.” She recognizes each cry and can tell you exactly who it is and what they need. (Typical bossy older sister!) I’ve learned to relax and not worry if things aren’t done right. It’s okay. On weekends, McLean and I tag-team with Grey for special outings with just her.

Libby-and-babies

How do you and your husband ever find time together? How do you keep your marriage intact?

Honestly, it’s hard to get out alone. It can take three sitters! We’ve probably had five dates since they were born. But we have tried to keep each other as a priority. On weekends, we take turns in the mornings so each of us can have a break, and then we spend couple time together during afternoon naptime. The biggest thing has been that we are growing in learning new ways to help each other. We have to do this together. So if I sense he’s about to “lose it,” I tell him to go for a run or take a night off and go out with the guys. He does the same with me. Now we have to live what we used to talk about marriage-wise; we have no choice! But the blessing is that it’s taking us deeper. It’s refining our relationship. And we’re helping each other become the best at what we do now. This is almost more valuable than going out on a date. It’s real life. We have to keep talking constantly about how to love and protect one another, even in the middle of chaos.

What are some things you are learning from the Lord?

I’m not in control! He has purpose for everything. Life is easier when it’s what you expected or if it’s what makes sense. But it’s harder to see the purpose when it’s not expected. I have to remember that God is sovereign; He’s intentional. He has had this plan since I was born. He has been preparing me my whole life to do this. I’m learning to give grace to myself and McLean more. I can’t do everything or respond in the way I want to and neither can he. I’m learning to let go of wanting life to be what I want it to be like, especially in the little things. And I’m learning in deeper ways that it is faith and family that really matter.

What have been some funny things that have happened recently?

Some of the funniest things happen when we go on walks. If a car goes by, it often stops and reverses, and the driver stares in amazement! It’s not unusual for people to ask if they can take our picture! Just this week, a woman at a park came up to us and, pointing to the babies in their stroller, exclaimed, “Are those for real?” “Yes,” we replied. “We had quadruplets six months ago.”  “You mean you got three babies?”  “Well, actually we had four babies.”

Listening to Grey talk to the babies always makes us laugh. Recently we heard her say to one of the crying boys (in her little toddler voice), “You’ll be alright. Your bottle is coming soon.”

Watching them interact as their individual personalities become more evident is also hysterical.  We might see Fitz sucking on Yates’s hand or Mimi trying to climb over Mac. I’ve noticed that two of them are more laidback at meal time and two are greedy, so I feed a greedy one and a laidback one at the same time and watch them watching each other.

We try to laugh a lot. It’s easy to forget to do this when things get monotonous and exhausting. Having others visit who laugh at our household is a big help. We try to remember that this is a short season, and we don’t want to miss anything!

Originally Posted as a Series on MomLife Today

Share
Pin1
Tweet
Email
Print
1Share
Share
Share
Pin
Text

You may also enjoy...

Parenting
August 20, 2014 · Leave a Comment

Praying Together for Your Children Builds Your Marriage »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

Read more…

Recent Posts

  • How God’s Creation Comforts and Restores Me
  • Help for Parents of Middle School Kids: Insights From My 8th Grade Diary
  • Family Can Be Hard: How to Handle Painful Family Relationships
  • Our Best Advice for Your Marriage: What We’ve Learned in 53+ Years
  • Good News: Growing as a Christian is Not About Trying Harder

One Word

One Word: Sufficient

Featured Books

And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children

And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Audible.com
And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children
Buy now!

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy now!
  • Certainty In Christ
  • Subscribe
  • Contact
  • Media Kit
  • Privacy Policy
  • Site Index

Search

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy now!

Popular

  • Our Best Advice for Your Marriage: What We’ve…
  • How Do You Do It? (Questions for a Mom of Quads)
  • Family Can Be Hard: How to Handle Painful Family…

One Word: Warrior One Verse: “The Lord is a One Word:  Warrior 
 
One Verse:

“The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name." Exodus 15:3
 
One Thought:

Lord, it is good for me to be reminded that you are a warrior. You are not a pushover, or weak. You are mighty. You fight for me. You defend me. You have my back. You are for me.
One morning recently I watched my dog, Charley, wa One morning recently I watched my dog, Charley, watch me. He noticed my every move. If I looked him in the eye he would hop up and come to me. If I moved he would follow me. He listens for my voice. His greatest joy is for me to communicate with him, to pay attention to him. He loves me unconditionally, even if I’m having a bad day, blown it with a family member or friend, or still have on my smelly sweats! Watching him watch me I think about how he reflects God. Our heavenly Father watches over me. He waits for me to notice Him. He takes great joy when I call out to Him. He loves me no matter what.

“Father thank you for Charley and for using him to remind me how much You rejoice when I pay attention to You. At this moment, You are waiting patiently for me.”
These are my two 8th grade granddaughters (cousins These are my two 8th grade granddaughters (cousins). Last time they were in town we went thrift shopping, and they found a single pair of pajamas that they could both fit into at one time, lol!⁣
⁣
I've been thinking about them a lot lately as I just discovered my old 8th grade diary, which is hysterical. One of the main things I discovered is that even though so much has changed in the many years since I was in 8th grade, there are still lots of things that are the same.⁣
⁣
Read some excerpts and get insights for parenting middle school kids in my blog, "Help for Parents of Middle School Kids: Insights From My 8th Grade Diary."⁣
⁣
Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog
One Word: Sustains One Verse: “Surely God is One Word: Sustains 
 
One Verse:

“Surely God is my help. The Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4
 
One Thought:

Father, you sustain me in the tediousness of drudgery or the extreme challenges of life. Whatever I fear - you are sustaining me, my friend, my child. It is your joy to do so!
Getting ready for Holy Week: One of my favorite re Getting ready for Holy Week: One of my favorite reads! I read this every couple of years to prepare for Easter.
Recently I found the most hilarious thing — a di Recently I found the most hilarious thing — a diary I kept when I was in 8th grade! (Swipe right to see a photo of me with my siblings from around that time.)⁣
⁣
Here are a couple excerpts:⁣
⁣
“I’m afraid I’m beginning to like Jimmy but I don’t want to because I really hate him.”⁣
⁣
"Nothing much happened today. Linda and I are real pals now and don’t like Becky. She’s bossy and conceited.”⁣
⁣
"I am a complete failure. I must remember that popularity isn’t everything.”⁣
⁣
I'm still laughing as I read it. But it actually gave me some insights that are helpful with my two 8th grade granddaughters -- and insights you may appreciate if you're the parent of a middle schooler. ⁣
⁣
Get the full scoop on my blog -- link in profile or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog
One Word: Understands One Verse: “Great is o One Word:  Understands
 
One Verse:

“Great is our Lord and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure." Psalm 147:5
 
One Thought:

When no one else can understand me or my situation, you do completely, O Lord.
I had the best time recently with the Women from A I had the best time recently with the Women from Apostles Anglican Church in Houston! Our retreat was held at the lovely Hill House in the countryside. We were spoiled by incredible food, restored by the bucolic scenery, and spiritually fed by rich fellowship. Thank you Langley and these wonderful women!

 @apostleshouston  @historichillhouse
This is so important to remember when we're strugg This is so important to remember when we're struggling with our family relationships: God created family.⁣
⁣
It was His idea. In the beginning He was part of a family -- Father God, His Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. But that wasn’t enough, so they created man, Adam. Then God said it was not good for man to be alone, so He created Eve as a wife for Adam.⁣
⁣
Through their disobedience sin entered family units. Even so God did not give up on family. Family has continued ever since.⁣
⁣
Family has a broad meaning. We usually think of family as a dad, mom, and kids. But throughout both the Old and New Testaments we see family described as large tribes, small units, particularly the family of the church. A family might include singles as well as married people, young people, and old people.⁣
⁣
God knows that we are not meant to be alone. We need one another. The big concept here can be summarized in a single word: together.⁣
⁣
But that doesn't mean family is easy! It can be incredibly difficult at times. If you're looking for hope or help with your family relationships, check out my blog this week: "Family Can Be Hard: How to Handle Painful Family Relationships."⁣
⁣
Link in bio or go to  susanalexanderyates.com/blog

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth