Susan Alexander Yates

Wisdom for Every Season

When your faith gets fragile….

by Susan Alexander Yates

This week is the one-year anniversary of our grandson Mac’s liver transplant. He just turned 7 years old. Re-living those memories of a year ago has brought back many emotions. Hearing the helicopter land on the roof of the hospital bringing the donor liver, weeping for that family who lost a child but chose to give life to ours, a hospital chapel packed with friends who stayed up all night to pray with us, sing and read scriptures, 4 frightened young siblings who were at home praying for their brother. (Read the story here.)

Today Mac is doing well. There are still ups and downs, and he’s had another surgery to repair an artery. Weekly or bi-weekly blood tests continue and meds are often changed. Side effects like hair loss, itching and shots for low white cell counts come and go. Life sometimes feels like an emotional roller coaster. We realize this is a “new normal” for our family and especially McLean and Libby, his parents. Life will never be the same. That’s hard.

All of us experience hard things in life. Scary times. And sometimes our faith just gets wobbly. It feels like it is running out. We try to churn up trust and usually fail.  And then we feel guilty because we think we should be able to trust.  But the reality is that we cannot churn up trust. God doesn’t expect us to come to Him full; He loves us on empty. Desperate. Weak. He simply wants us to come as a tiny child-needy, dependent. (Matthew 18:3)

I visualize a bucket- an old tin farm bucket that over time and much use has developed leaks.  It’s my faith bucket and sometimes it feels full and healthy and sometimes it gets leaky and fragile.  When it’s leaky I long for it to be filled up.  How do I get it filled?

One thing that helps me is to make a list of all of the ways I’ve seen God be faithful in the past. Small things like the encouraging text from a friend just when I needed it, the verse I read that spoke specifically to me, the neighbor who brought a meal. Big things like the best medical team, the friends who “just happened” to have gone through the same thing and could offer encouragement.  God often reveals His faithfulness to us through other people. This is the way the body of Christ is made to function.

Whenever we are discouraged or feel weak in our lives it helps to make a list of God’s faithfulness in the past. It helps to write down favorite scriptures about God.  When we focus on who He is and what He has done, our faith bucket will begin to fill up again and we’ll be less likely to fear the future.  Our buckets will always be leaky this side of heaven. We are people in process, continuing to need to be filled. When we get to heaven, our bucket will have no leaks and we’ll see Him with complete faith. But for now, we pray, “Fill us Lord,” and we take time to thank Him specifically for his faithfulness in the past.

This week, I’m thanking him for all of you who have prayed for Mac and our family. You have blessed us in ways you cannot imagine and we are deeply grateful.

 

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Comments

  1. Gudny Munro says

    November 1, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    Thank you Susan, I’m running on empty a lot these days, yet God fills me up just when I need it most. He is faithful in the small things and also in the big dramatic experiences that come our way. Loved reading your family story about Mac and know He has big plans for him and your family.
    Reply

  2. Jane Guerard Webb says

    October 19, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    Thank you, dear Susan, for these very comforting and timely words. They give me hope and direction during a difficult season that, as with Mac and Libby, is my new normal. Thank you, Father, for loving us just as we are, weak, strong and in between, with no reservations or conditions. And thank you for giving us the gift of others who words echo yours when we cannot hear you. Love to you, Susan, and all of yours!
    Reply

  3. Gigi Hill says

    October 19, 2017 at 11:22 am

    Oct 9 it was 30 years since my husband’s liver transplant Susan. I honestly felt carried by the Lord at that time. We never expected he would experience being a grandpa! We are humbled and thankful as I write this. There was much about me that needed to change at that time and I have been known to say that my husband underwent a liver transplant and God transplanted my heart. We will continue to pray for Mac and for rest from these reoccurring procedures.
    Reply

    • Claudia says

      October 19, 2017 at 1:19 am

      Our children and our grandchildren are such gifts. And your heart speaks to mine. We know what it is to pray for an almost impossible situation that is totally out of our control and our hands. But with God all things are possible and your Mac and our little Kai are alive with miracle organs because God wants them- he had a purpose for their little lives. Perhaps one day Mac and Kai will meet. Blessings to you, John and all your family❤
      Reply

  5. Elizabeth Garner says

    October 18, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    Susan this was really encouraging. Loved the reminder that I can't manufacture trust and your modeling the acceptance that in some ways life will never be the same. A good challenge for me to reflect on the goodness of God over the past few months.
    Reply

  6. Rose-Marie Edwards-Tasker says

    October 18, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    He loves us on empty, so He can fill us up! Thank you, Lord. And Thank you, Susan. Needed to hear that this morning! Ongoing prayer for Mac!
    Reply

  7. joanne thompson says

    October 18, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    well dear friend, your gift to share real heart wisdom is truly an installment of God's presence in this world. Love your line - "we cannot churn up trust; God wants us to come to him empty."
    Reply

  8. Dominique says

    October 18, 2017 at 11:22 am

    I can only echo what Shannon wrote. Susann, you wrote the words I was longing to hear and your message comes as the answer to a prayer. What a blessing to receive wisdom from a Spiritual mother. Oh How I love the body of Christ. It is effective across the Atlantic! God blessings from England X
    Reply

  9. Linda says

    October 18, 2017 at 11:15 am

    The power of your words, they have encouraged this weary traveler this morning ! He who is faithful will complete the work He has begun..... Thank you for sharing part of your journey !
    Reply

  10. Sandy white says

    October 18, 2017 at 11:14 am

    Thank you Susan. Will carry these thoughts with me. . . and continue to pray for your sweet grandson and family. Love.
    Reply

  12. Shannon Davis says

    October 18, 2017 at 10:11 am

    Oh Susan. This was powerful. "God doesn't expect us to come to Him full. He loves us on empty." Bless you for writing this. For suggesting that feeling weak in our trusting is OK. For remedying our fear by listing God's faithfulness to us in the past. For the reminder that the body of Christ is made of up of people who reveal God's faithfulness to us. Wow. Thank you. XO+
    Reply

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