Six Steps to Fight Envy and Jealousy

Envy and Jealousy.

Every one of us is tempted by these two destructive attitudes. Parents and children alike.

These feelings are often found in what I call the “comparison trap.”

It might go like this: I wish I had a house like hers. She has a good marriage, and mine stinks. He got the promotion I deserved. I wish I had a husband like hers. They have a higher income and an easier life, and mine is hard.

Or from our kids: He got the latest video game, and I didn’t. She has a new iPhone, and I don’t. Their parents give them things, and ours can’t. She has more followers on Instagram.

The issue here is that we want what we don’t have. We want more. This desire goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve had everything but wanted more.

Our greed lies at the center of our sinful nature. It pokes its head up in the most irritating ways, spewing nasty thoughts into our heads and cultivating a negative spirit within us.

So how can we overcome these negative traits?

6 steps will help:

1. Recognize this tendency.

Ask God to show you when you are falling into this trap. Simply identify this sin, confess it, receive forgiveness, and ask Him to change your heart by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is the first step. (I John1:9)

We will have to do this over and over. There isn’t a quick or permanent fix; however, we can grow in this area.

Ask God to reveal to you the heart of your child. Ask Him to show you how to nurture positive attitudes within his heart rather than discontent. (James 1:5)

2. Cultivate gratitude.

During COVID, we had some of our kids and grandkids with us for New Year’s Eve. We wanted to make this evening one of celebration. Each person brought their journals to the table, and over dessert, we took five minutes to be completely silent and write down as many things as we could think of for which we were thankful for from 2020. The goal for the eight of us was to have at least 100 total. However, our 11-year-old granddaughter came up with 80 of her own including: soccer, friend Lexi, frozen waffles, my hair, root beer, etc! We took turns sharing some of what we wrote around the table. It was a precious time of laughing and reflecting on God’s goodness in a difficult year.

3. Spend less time on the internet and social media.

When we browse sites that show stuff we’d like to have, it increases our discontent and makes us jealous of those who have the luxury to order whatever they desire. We wish we could, too. Discontent. Ask, Is my browsing causing me to be discontent or to be thankful? What is it doing for my child?

It’s not just shopping; it’s also social media in general, which is curated to make lives seem perfect and families like they have it all together. What we see online is only part of someone’s story. There can be a sad person behind every “perfect-looking” face or family. You don’t know their story. No one has it all together. No one is completely satisfied.

4. “Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)

We are better at weeping with those who weep than we are at rejoicing with and for them. We must learn to rejoice with others. And we need to teach our kids to as well. So when your teen says, so and so gets to….why can’t we or I wish we could…simply say, that’s so great. Let’s be happy for him and his family. This is wonderful for them. Let’s rejoice with and for them. Let’s be excited for them.

5. Get some perspective.

Most of us living in the developed world are rich. We have a roof over our heads and food to eat. Yet we are raising kids who don’t realize this as they compare their own situation to someone with “more.” We need a little perspective here. Take your kids to serve in your community. Adopt a family that is in genuine need. Study a country where there is true poverty. Have your kids research persecuted Christians or orphanages and become involved in helping. It’s a lot healthier to spend time on the internet doing something like this than looking for things you want.

6. Realize that your “want/wish” bucket will never be full.

It has a permanent leak. There will always be something bigger, faster, and better than what our kids will want. I imagine some of their Christmas gifts have already been laid aside because there’s something better out there.

Let’s enter this new year with a fresh determination to become people of gratitude, rejoicing in Who our almighty God is and in what He has done for us.

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I saw this commercial during this year’s Super Bowl; it’s a perfect depiction of the trap of jealousy and envy many of us fall into, and it encouraged everyone watching to seek out Jesus. What a powerful message viewed by millions!