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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

Wisdom for Every Season

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10 Ways to Avoid Mama Burnout

by Susan Alexander Yates

When our 5 kids were little I ran away. Well not exactly; but I do remember standing by the front door at the end of a horrible, rainy day of being cooped up with sick toddlers, fighting siblings, a hormonal pre- teen and a hormonal and burned out me! With my coat on and purse in hand, I watched for his car to pull in the driveway. Greeting him at the door, I exclaimed,

“They are all screaming. They are all yours. I am running away. “

And I did. I went to the mall where I walked around in utter silence for about 3 hours and no one spoke to me or pulled on me or needed me!

I was overwhelmed, exhausted and tottering on the edge of “mama burnout.” Since then I’ve learned a few tricks that will help us when we feel like we’re about to burn out!

1. Learn to see life in terms of seasons.

Every season has challenges unique to that season and every season has blessings unique to the season. We need to be honest about the challenges but then choose to focus on the blessings. A challenge of the little years is monotony. Routine caring of little ones gets boring and is never finished! You wake up the next day to the same things. However, little kids say the funniest things. When our daughter Libby at age 4 saw the ocean for the first time she exclaimed, “Mama, it’s too full you need to let some of it out.” Write down the funny things your kids say. It’s a blessing of this season. Teenagers don’t say funny things. This season will pass and you want to capture the cute things. There will be different blessings in the teen years.

2. Do something crazy.

One of my big events in bad weather was to go to a mall and ride the escalators. Now you can go to a mall and play at an indoor playground. Declare a crazy dress-up day. Dress up in the wildest costumes you can make from clothes in the house. Put make up on everyone. Paint toes and fingers crazy colors and eat green eggs. Or blue pancakes. Craziness relieves monotony and makes a day fun instead of merely an endurance race.

3. Restore perspective.

Part of burn out comes because our world gets too insular. It’s about us and our kids and our needs. It helps to do something totally unrelated to us. Go to a museum. Rent head phones and really study the paintings. Or go to an interesting lecture or demonstration. Don’t discuss your kids. You’ll need to get a baby sitter for your children but you will come home a refreshed Mom with a restored perspective. Life isn’t all about us.

4. Find an older mentor.

I will be forever grateful to Edith, my next-door neighbor. An elderly widow she saved me in my years of parenting little ones. Many times I ran across my front yard, sometimes barefoot in pj’s and knocked on her door. When she opened it, I’d burst into tears. “Edith, I am the worst mother and wife in the world.” Sweet Edith would take me in her arms, sit me on her couch and say, “You are not the worst Mom or wife. It’s just this season in your life. It will pass. You will be alright.” Edith gave me perspective because she was older. She had been there. She understood.

5. Have girl friends in the same season.

Too often we look to our husband to understand, to empathize, to meet our needs for affirmation and appreciation. Sometimes we can look to others to meet needs that they were not created to meet. We should be going to God first and some girlfriends second. A husband just won’t “get” what it was like to wipe poop off the bathroom walls, pick up cereal under the table, separate wrestling boys, and then do it all over again. We need a friend in the same season we can call and say, “You won’t believe what my 3 year old just did!” She will! And she’ll comfort you and laugh with you. Oh how we need to laugh with other women. Pray for God to give you some women who make you laugh and seek to reach out to some other young Moms who may be on the verge of burnout too! Invite some to your home for a time together. Tell your grossest stories. Pray for each other.

6. Don’t neglect your husband.

It’s all too easy in this season to think. “I’ll work on my marriage when life calms down.” But the reality is that life doesn’t calm down. It will just become more complicated with more options. We have to work on our marriages along the way if we want to have a relationship later, and we have to be intentional about this. It will not just happen. If we want our kids to have strong marriages one day they need to see us working on ours now. Marriage takes time and work. Set aside a regular date night to go out alone with your husband just to have fun. Let a sitter deal with the dinner, bed and bath routine. If you wait until you get them down you’ll be too tired to go out. Instead meet him somewhere after work. This is not the time to discuss difficult issues. Instead it’s the time to nurture a marriage friendship. Swap babysitting with a friend. Plan at least 2 times a year that you can get away alone for a couple of over nights.

7. Do one thing each day that is not merely maintenance.

Moms of young children are frustrated. At the end of the day when we look back we don’t feel like we accomplished very much. I found that I loved to mow the grass! It was the only thing I did that lasted more than 24 hours. And it was instant progress! It helps to have one small accomplishment outside of the usual laundry, cooking, and nose wiping each day. Clean out one cabinet, write a note or postcard to someone to say,” I’m thinking about you today and I miss you.” Cook something for a friend who needs a “pick me up.” Doing something for someone outside your immediate family is a blessing and it teaches your kids to care for others.

8. Get exercise.

It’s not a luxury; it’s your mental health. The hours of 4-7pm are ”arsenic hours.” You want to give it or take it! You are tired, they are tired and you just don’t know how you are going to get through the next couple of hours until they are in bed. I used to grab a teen in the neighborhood and ask them to watch my kids for 20 minutes so I could go for a run. No, I never felt like going and often I went on the verge of tears. But inevitability it gave me the lift I needed to get through the next few hours. Our daughter had 5 kids in 2 years including a set of quads. One of the things that has saved her is regular exercise even if it’s a brisk walk alone for 25 minutes.

9. Spend time in God’s word.

You might not have much time but you can make a little time. It helps to make this the first priority of your day otherwise you are not likely to get to it. For years I’ve read a Psalm and a Proverb every day. One day I read Psalm 144:2. “He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge; who subdues peoples under me. “ Lord please subdue these 5 little people today” is still written in the margin on that page. I do believe God has a sense of humor.

10. Remember God chose your family.

God has given us the exact children in the exact birth order with the exact personalities not merely so that we can raise them but in order for them to be His tools in our lives to grow us up into the women He has created us to be. He gave us that strong willed toddler, that child we just don’t “get,” that one with disabilities. Every child is a gift from God and He will use each one in our lives for good if we let Him. It’s helpful to ask, “God, what are you teaching me through this special child of mine?” God is full of mercy and full of grace. And He is always faithful.

I’d love to hear your own favorite tips so send in a comment!

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February 21, 2018 · 3 Comments

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Comments

  1. Dominique says

    February 27, 2018 at 10:02 pm

    Thank you Susan for sharing your wisdom.

    I also find helpful to write a detailed schedule (from school pick up to bed time) for the week ahead on Sunday evening. I have three kids (aged 9, 6 and 4) and I am currently expected our 4th…I therefore know about burn-out and sometimes feel like I can’t think anymore. Having a detailed schedule at hand help me to focus on what is essential on a particular day and avoid the frustration of having forgotten something (e.g. event, homework project etc.).
    God bless, Dominique

    Reply
  2. Emily (Green) Gillis says

    February 21, 2018 at 7:37 pm

    Great post! I shared this one with my mothers of multiples group in OKC too! It’s a blessing to stay connected to my TFCA family even though I live so far away now. Always look forward to reading your blog. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Susan Alexander Yates says

      February 22, 2018 at 1:26 am

      Emily,
      How sweet of you to write!!!
      You are missed here but thanks for keeping in touch.
      Blessings, Susan

      Reply

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend. Such a joy! ⁣
⁣
Be sure to check out the blog for more details and pics. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
* Poppy (John) is always happy to get help with the horses and the kids love them.⁣
* There's always a competition of some kind going on! Volleyball, a hula hoop contest, a ping-pong tournament. ⁣
* The "ice cream gutter" is a cherished annual tradition!⁣
* Lots of hanging out, and even some quiet moments, but not a lot of sleep. ⁣
⁣
If you want to host a camp or family event of your own, check out my book Cousin Camp for all kinds of ideas. (Link in bio.)⁣
⁣
#christianmom #christianfamily #grandparent #cousincamp #familycamp
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: 
Mystery 
 
One Verse:
“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
One Thought:
You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation, still celebrating 54 years of marriage! We had a fun dinner, sharing about folks who have been role models-mentors for us in ministry and family life over these years. It sparked a fun discussion and thankful memories!
We're so grateful we got to host another Family Ca We're so grateful we got to host another Family Camp over Labor Day weekend!⁣
⁣
Here's a peek behind the scenes. I'm sharing all the details (and more pics!) over on the blog, check it out. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
1 - We had 33 of us this year!⁣
2 - So much prep and shopping. But I never clean before they come because I learned that's futile. 😜⁣
3 - Lots of cousin bonding.⁣
4 - My daughter-in-law @christenbyates, who's a professional artist, set up an art station this year and the kids loved it.⁣
5 - Cousins with their camp journals. (I keep the journals at my house and they get to write in them every year.)⁣
6 - John led a short teaching time every day, this year on Psalm 139.⁣
7 - Meals are crazy when you're cooking for 33 people!⁣
8 - There are shoes everywhere. 😂 ⁣
9 - The kids actually did dinner cleanup this year, without any prompting! ⁣
10 - A few of our guys.💙⁣
⁣
#christianfamily #cousincamp #familycamp #christianmom #grandparent
One Word: Shows One Verse: “But God shows hi One Word:  Shows
 
One Verse:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
 
One Thought:

If you, God Almighty, would send your son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.
Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our you Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our youngest grands. (We have 21!)

Catch the blog later this week for details and more pics.
This photo of me and John is from our trip to Isra This photo of me and John is from our trip to Israel last fall. When we first got married, I didn't know what being a pastor's wife would entail. Now after more than 50 years of marriage I understand a little better (although I can always learn more!).⁣
⁣
I'm sharing an interview over on my blog with @thegospelcoalition's Front Row Seat series on Supporting Our Husbands.⁣
⁣
We discussed how pastors’ wives can support and encourage their husbands in ministry, marriage, and life. But so much of this applies to any marriage, whether your husband is a pastor or not.⁣
⁣
Check it out -- link in bio, or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog⁣
⁣
You might want to share it with your pastor's wife -- it will encourage her!⁣
⁣
@kristen_wetherell  @kario312⁣
⁣
#christianwife  #pastorswife  #christianmarriage
One Word: Founder One Verse: “...let us run One Word:  Founder
 
One Verse:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12: 1-2
 
One Thought:

You are the author of my faith. You began it, Father. It is yours. I ask you to be perfecting it. Thank you that even this isn't up to me. My part is to fix my eyes on you and let you do your work within me.
This is how we feel right now -- we finished our A This is how we feel right now -- we finished our Annual Family Camp yesterday!

4 days with 33 kids and grands; 19 teens sleeping on floors and outside, 44 bags of trash, 15 gallons of ice cream, 67 dirty towels, 135 ping pong games, 90 individual miles hiking on the AT, gleaning from Psalm 139, 532 tickles and hugs, and 2 exhausted grandparents--who are deliriously grateful!

More pics coming soon.

* numbers are estimates 😆

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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