• About
  • Books
  • One Word
    • One Word
    • Shop One Word Cards
  • Cousin Camp
  • Speaking
  • Audio
  • Blog
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

Wisdom for Every Season

  • Character
  • Faith
  • Family
  • Seasons
  • Marriage
  • Parenting
  • Cousin Camp
  • Ask Susan

Do You Ask Your Kids What They Want for Dinner?

by Susan Alexander Yates

Dinnertime can be full of drama, can’t it?  It’s the end of the day, and everyone’s tired and hungry — including mom and dad.  And children can be adamant about what they will and won’t eat.

But there’s one common practice that I think makes dinnertime even harder, and it may be something you’re doing.  Do you ask your kids what they want to eat?  Here’s why I think that’s not a good idea.

One child wants macaroni and cheese, another chicken soup, absolutely no peas insists one, while another can’t decide what she wants. Negotiating and persuading and arguing leave at least one child whining, and a parent frustrated and exhausted. Meal time becomes a battlefield instead of a happy recollection of the day’s events.

Why is this happening?

As a parent, you genuinely want to please your children. We want our kids to eat well and we know they’ll eat what they like. We are more into food and nutrition these days than in the past. And we like for our children to have choices.

There's one thing that I think makes dinnertime even harder.  Do you ask your kids what they wantfor dinner?  Here's why I think that's not a good idea.

Photo by cattalin on Pixabay.

But wait a minute.  There are some unintended things happening in this practice that can be unhealthy.

Children should not be in control.

Young children should not be determining the meals. It’s not their call — it’s the parents’. This decision puts the child squarely in control in the family, a control they were not created to have nor emotionally equipped to have. It subtly places the child in the role of “boss” and the parent relegated to “short-order cook.” This is unhealthy for the child and undermines the control of the parents. A child who calls the shots in the home will become insecure, not secure, because that child should not have that much authority over his parents.   

Our children are stressed out with all the choices they have to make.

Our children are growing up in a world of choices with a greater freedom than ever to make their own decisions. While this may be good, the level of stress it creates in a child can become burdensome. Throughout the day at preschool or school they are faced with an unprecedented plethora of choices which they have to make. They don’t need to be faced with this again when they come home to dinner. Their stress will be relieved when the dinner is decided for them.

A kindergarten specialist says, “I have had several children throughout the years that couldn’t deal with uncertainty. One little boy kept disrupting the class at different times. It took me a while to realize that he needed to know what was coming next so I began to give him a “heads-up” if I was about to change activity or location. I didn’t give him a choice. I just let him know what was coming. The problem was solved. Children like to know someone is in charge. If you make them think they are in charge they will expect to be in charge when you least expect it.

We want to raise our children to be good guests.

Training in manners begins at an early age. How will your 7- or 8-year-old respond when invited out to someone’s home and they don’t like what they are served to eat? Or what about a teenager invited to a dinner party? How will you expect them to graciously accept what is put before them when they are have been used to accepting or rejecting food at home? If we want to raise kids with good manners, they must be taught at home to graciously accept what is put before them, taking a few bites of everything they are given.

We don’t need unnecessary conflict.

This is usually what happens when dinner choice is put before children. It is very hard to avoid negotiating. Wouldn’t you as the mom love for food not to become another battlefield? This is one conflict that can be avoided.

There's one thing that I think makes dinnertime even harder.  Do you ask your kids what they wantfor dinner?  Here's why I think that's not a good idea.

A few tips

If you’ve been allowing your kids to dictate the meal plan and you want to change, here are a few pointers to make the transition easier:

  1. Explain the changes that are going to take place. Be as specific as possible and with older kids explain “why.”
  2. Expect dissension. Your kids may not eat what you have prepared. Simply insist they stay at the table until everyone else has finished and let them know they cannot have anything else to eat until morning. Prepare for the complaining to last for 4-5 nights. Our kids will not believe we mean what we say until we have persisted for several nights. (They have to see we are trustworthy!)
  3. Keep a long-range perspective. We are building character for the future and we want to raise polite adults.
  4. You can still inject some freedom into your dinners. Occasionally declare one night “free choice” night and make it a celebration. On each person’s birthday let the birthday child or adult choose the family’s menu for their birthday meal. This will make choice special rather than merely a burden.  
  5. Plan for good table conversation. Ask questions that call for more than a one-word answer. “What was something good that happened to you today? Who is someone you admire and why?” Place a basket on the table with pens and have each person write down some good questions to use. You can take turns drawing from the basket at future meals.
  6. Be sure that smart phones are left in another room, TV is tuned off and everyone stays at the table throughout the meal.

Family meals provide us with the opportunity to share in each other’s daily lives and build relationships that will last a lifetime. When dinner is overtaken with arguments about food, we can lose what’s really special about our time together. 

I hope this is helpful.  And may your kids clean their plates!

 

Share552
Pin6
Tweet
Email
Print
558Shares
Share552
Share
Pin
Text
558Shares

You may also enjoy...

Parenting
March 1, 2019 · 2 Comments

« Choosing a College: Practical Advice for Christian Parents
Ask Susan: How to Embrace Your Season of Life »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Holly says

    March 17, 2019 at 10:00 am

    My children were always complaining about the food I cooked. I did meal planning and made a wide variety of dishes-Thai, Italian, Mexican, American, etc. I rotated through recipes regularly and spent an hour cooking. I finally had enough of their complaining and asking for something else. I went to a simple plan of a simply-cooked meat, a starch, a veggie and a fruit. Guess what? No more complaints amd we have had peaceful dinners. The hopping up to make substitutions or additions ended. Plus, it’s been much simpler for me. Win-win!

    Reply
  2. Kitty Bennett says

    July 21, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    Our granddaughter is doing quite well at please and thank you, but her parents have a rough time getting her to eat and to stay at the table during a meal. She is just 3 and has always been underweight. How do you get a child at that age to eat what is put before them and stay seated. Do you send an underweight 3 year old to bed without supper?

    Reply

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

Read more…

Recent Posts

  • Good News: Growing as a Christian is Not About Trying Harder
  • Why Thank-You Notes Matter
  • He’s More Than a Baby in a Manger: Jesus, Our Living God
  • You Don’t Need to “Play God”: Reminders from the Christmas Story
  • How to Transform Your Thanksgiving This Year With Outrageous Gratitude

One Word

One Word: Sufficient

Featured Books

And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children

And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Audible.com
And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children
Buy now!

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy now!
  • Certainty In Christ
  • Subscribe
  • Contact
  • Media Kit
  • Privacy Policy
  • Site Index

Search

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last

Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Character Matters: Raising Kids With Values That Last
Buy now!

Popular

  • How Do You Do It? (Questions for a Mom of Quads)
  • Teenagers Rule at Family Camp: Messy, Crazy, and Oh…
  • Is Resentment or Bitterness Building in Your…

In the bleak midwinter everything is . . . bleak. In the bleak midwinter everything is . . . bleak. But underneath the gloom God is preparing a beautiful garden which will burst forth at just the right time (swipe right!). God is working while we are waiting.
One Word: Everlasting Arms One Verse: “The e One Word:  Everlasting Arms
 
One Verse:

“The eternal God is your dwelling place,
and underneath are the everlasting arms.
And he thrust out the enemy before you
and said, ‘Destroy.“ (Deuteronomy 33:27)

One Thought:

God I love it that you gave your children simple pictures to understand complicated truths. Thank you for your everlasting arms that are under me, under _____ right at this moment. Place this picture in the front of my mind as I live this day.
Did you know that we can't succeed at spiritual gr Did you know that we can't succeed at spiritual growth on our own? We can't just grit our teeth and make ourselves more like Christ? ⁣
⁣
This was a surprising lesson for me as a new believer!⁣
⁣
Read about it in my devotional on @club31women this week. Link in bio, or go to club31women.com/devotional/
One Word: Broken One Verse: And he took bread, One Word: Broken
 
One Verse:

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22:19

One Thought:

There is so much brokenness in our world. I am broken. So is _____. One thing all humans have in common is our brokenness. Jesus, you are intimately familiar with brokenness. Your body was broken for me, for _____. You understand the pain of brokenness but it is in your brokenness that we can begin to experience wholeness.
Recently I’ve been thinking about a new personal Recently I’ve been thinking about a new personal discipline I want to adopt in this new year. I want to do one thing every day for someone else. It’s a practical application for loving our neighbors as ourselves. It also enables us to get our focus off our selves and onto someone else and this brings us joy. It might be a text or email or postcard or call or cookies left on someone’s front door. This joy of giving fills our cup. It’s also a great thing to involve your whole family in. It helps our kids learn to be other-centered rather than self-centered. Two special friends just sent me these flowers and they have brought me great great joy. Thank you for choosing to bless me. I have learned from your generosity.
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: Mystery 
 
One Verse:

“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
One Thought:

You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
It’s so much fun to give away some of our old tr It’s so much fun to give away some of our old treasures! I just gave my old Girl Scout badge sash to my young friend Helen, who is a Girl Scout. It brought both of us so much joy and reminded me of how special it is to give things away. I  highly recommend it.

#girlscout #girlscouts
I received this pic and note from one of my nieces I received this pic and note from one of my nieces last week:⁣
⁣
'Your post on thank you notes this morning validated all of my efforts this week!! Look what's sitting on my kitchen counter. Only one more child to go!  Thank you for the good reminder of why we do this!'⁣
⁣
Have your kids gotten their notes done?⁣
⁣
I know it's work to get our children to write thank-you notes, but it's so important! Check out my blog this week for the reasons behind this and some ideas to help make it happen.⁣
⁣
Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com.
One Word: Shows ⁣ ⁣ One Verse:⁣ ⁣ “But G One Word: Shows ⁣
⁣
One Verse:⁣
⁣
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8⁣
⁣
 One Thought:⁣
⁣
If you, God Almighty, would send your Son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.⁣
⁣
⁣
#oneword #onewordcards #christianwomen #christianfaith #bedeeplyrooted #womenintheword #shereadstruth #womenoftheword #belovedlife #womenoffaith #gritandvirtue #choosejoy #lampandlight #biblestudy #shepaintstruth #bibleverse #bibleverses #bibleverseoftheday #scriptureoftheday #scriptureart #bibleverseart #dailyverse #dailydevo #dailydevotion #dailydevotional #dailydevotionals #verseoftheday #biblequotes #illustratedfaith #scripture

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

FREE Ebook: 100 Activities for Your Kids!

I have a gift for you! Camp at Home includes 100 things for you to do with your kids of different ages, from toddlers to teens.
Join my email list now to get Camp at Home for FREE!

558Shares
558Shares