There were 5 of us gathered in a friend’s kitchen for coffee and sharing. Each of us was a committed believer involved in various types of ministry. We met out of the need for encouragement and accountability. But this morning we were not prepared for her bombshell:
“I need to tell you all something. I find that I am becoming attracted to a man who is not my husband. As you know I’m an artist and poet and he’s a writer and thinker. We read the same books and often ask similar questions. We appreciate one another’s sensitive natures. Because he’s in the same profession that my husband is we are thrown together in a lot of social occasions. I look forward to these because it means I’ll have time with him. We’ve begun to talk on the phone during the week and to share deep thoughts. In so many ways I feel he meets my needs more than my husband does. Nothing has happened yet. But I know I’m treading on dangerous ground and I need to ask you to hold me accountable to ending this relationship.”
As we sat in stunned silence her phone rang. Getting up from the table she turned to answer the call. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw her face turn ashen white. And then as she glanced back at us I heard her say,
“I need to ask you not to call me anymore. Our relationship is treading on dangerous ground and it needs to end now. Please don’t contact me again. Good bye.”
With eyes full of tears she rejoined our table.
We marveled:
At a woman who recognized that she was being tempted and chose to flee temptation instead of flirting with it.
At a woman who realized the power of accountable girlfriends and chose to confess her struggle to friends who would push her to do what is right.
At a God who chose that exact moment to have “him” call her in order that, with us there, she would have the courage to end the relationship.
There are so many lessons here.
- Each of us is vulnerable to an affair. There is no one man who can meet all of our needs. They were not created to. Too often we look to our husband to meet needs that He was not created to meet-needs that would be best met by God himself or by other women.
- We need a few accountable friends, who will empathize with us but more importantly, ones who will push us towards Christ and towards our husband, Friends who will insist we do what is right not necessarily what we feel like.
- A wise woman will notice when she is vulnerable and take steps to flee temptation and to grow closer to her husband. Most affairs for women begin at the emotional level. Recognize this and take care that it is your own husband with whom you share your deep thoughts. Or some close women friends.
- Jesus himself taught us to pray, “Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.” Never forget that our God is one who will deliver us if we sincerely want to be delivered.
Consider:
Matthew 6:13, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, James 4:7, 1Corinthians 10:12-13
Once I found myself here. Unfortunately, I do not have friends I could confide in. One day I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my ears ‘if a women begins to have feelings for a man in her heart, it is adultery’. And that was it for me. I thank God for His word and for the power of the Holy Ghost. I have never been there again
Dear Victoria,
Thank you so much for your honesty!
Your experience is a great example for all of us in how to fell temptation!
Blessings, Susan
For several years, I facilitated a divorce recovery group and the most devastating of all reasons for a broken marriage was infidelity. Those attending this group whose spouse did this had such complex emotions to overcome because adultery effects some very core elements like trust, loyalty and commitment. I say all this to appeal to anyone married who is entering into an inappropriate relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Please consider your actions very carefully. And yes, almost all of the affairs start out emotional and the physical follows whether you think you can control it or not. An emotional affair is breaking the commitment to your spouse no less than a physical affair. The pain you are going to cause is not just to your spouse, this causes pain to your children, your friends and your other family members. It’s far-reaching. I urge anyone involved in this type of marital infidelity to get help from a trusted member of your church or a friend or counselor who values marriage and will give God-honoring advice.
Thanks so much for this Kimberly! It is indeed sage advice.
Blessings, Susan
Wise, insightful, necessary! May we all have close friends to hold us accountable. Thank you.
Dear Susan,
God is so good, and how wonderful that He convicted your friend to want to keep from going deeper into this relationship, and His timing in providing you for strength when she needed it. May He protect our marriages and keep our thoughts pure.