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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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Praying for your children’s marriage (and more!)

by Guest Author

I’m thrilled to have my good friend, Jodie Berndt, guest blog for me today!


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.

“Marriage is glorious but hard.”

That’s how Timothy Keller opens his book, The Meaning of Marriage. I think it’s a great book, and I love to give it to newly engaged couples, but I always do so a bit apologetically, like I know they might rather have something from Pottery Barn. Nobody wants to confront the tricky areas of marriage right out of the gates.

But Keller is right—marriage is hard. And not just for newlyweds. Marriage can also be tough for parents of newlyweds, as we move from the front lines to the sidelines of our kids’ lives. I had to laugh the other day when a young bride told me that she wanted my new book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children. She didn’t have adult children (she didn’t yet have any children!); why did she want that particular book?

“I’m getting it for my mom,” she explained. “I love her so much—and she’s a wonderful mother—but she tends to be kind of…involved.”

I knew just what she meant! I have two married daughters, and letting them go—letting them leave our family and cleave to their husbands—hasn’t always been easy. There have been plenty of times when I’ve jumped in with advice, or offered unasked-for opinions, when a better tactic would have been to just pray.

One concern I had, early on, was how my girls—Hillary and Annesley—would mesh with their husbands’ families, and how Charlie and Geoff would fit into ours. Different traditions and backgrounds can sometimes create pressure points, and I wanted God to give the young couples patience and understanding with one another, as well as a sense of connectedness with their in-laws.

I found a wealth of helpful prayer prompts in Scripture.

For instance, I didn’t like to think of the biblical Ruth leaving her family, but I loved the way she honored her widowed mother-in-law, saying, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” I asked God to create that same sense of connection between Annesley and Hillary and their new mothers-in-law, one that would quickly let them all know that they had become each other’s “people.”

And I was impressed by the way Moses related to his father-in-law, Jethro. The two men clearly had a strong bond, and Jethro loved hearing about all the good things God had done in and through Moses. But when Jethro saw all the Israelites coming to Moses with their problems, he realized that his son-in-law was getting worn out. “The work is too heavy for you;” he said. “Listen now to me and I will give you some advice.”

Moses took Jethro’s counsel (which basically involved teaching the people God’s laws and appointing judges to settle their cases), and things ended well. I didn’t know if or when Geoff or Charlie would need to confide in my husband, but I figured the time would come, so I asked God to give them a Moses-and-Jethro relationship—one where the guys felt free to talk about their joys and their triumphs, but also to be honest about any struggles they might face, knowing that they could trust Robbie’s advice.

I don’t know how your family has been formed, or what your child’s particular leaving-and-cleaving challenges will be. I do know, however, that even the most well-suited couples, from the most similar backgrounds, will find themselves tested. It won’t always be easy. And as parents, we’ll want to help.

And we can. Through prayer. God knows what our kids need, and prayer is his invitation to us to join him in the work he is doing in their lives. You’ll find hundreds of biblically based prayers—prayers for your child’s marriage, and a host of other young adult needs—in the book. And if you’d like a keepsake-style Marriage Prayer, click here to download this card:

Marriage is glorious but hard. And so is parenting. But thanks be to God, he doesn’t ask us to go it alone. Our Heavenly Father knows what we need before we ask him (Matthew 6:8). Let’s come to him on behalf of our children. Let’s do our best parenting through prayer.

Jodie and Susan


Jodie Berndt is the author of nine books, including the bestselling Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens, and the just-released Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children. A speaker and Bible teacher, Jodie encourages people to pursue joy, celebrate grace, and live on purpose. Find her weekly blogs, free printables, and other resources at JodieBerndt.com, or connect with Jodie on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Jodie and her husband, Robert, have four grown children and two sons-in-law. They live in Virginia Beach but can often be found up the road in Charlottesville, Virginia, cheering for their beloved U.Va. Cavaliers.

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Comments

  1. Nancy Spicer says

    June 25, 2019 at 5:43 am

    I stumbled across your website tonight. And I love your advice about marriage and adult children. I am an adult child to a mother. Without showing our true colors. We are in need of a complete transformation. I loved your approach to prayer!! So now I need to just get down on my knees and pray for my relationship with my Mother. I may even print out some of your wisdom to help. Thank You!!

    Reply
    • Susan Alexander Yates says

      July 3, 2019 at 4:41 pm

      Nancy,
      Thanks for your encouragement! I am praying right now as I write this for your relationship with your Mom.
      I love the words of Luke, “For nothing is impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37)
      May He give you HOPE.
      Blessings, Susan

      Reply
  2. Evelyn says

    December 7, 2017 at 5:18 am

    This looks very timely!!

    Reply
  3. Lynda says

    December 7, 2017 at 1:28 am

    I read Jodie’s book years ago about using Scripture to pray for our children. A very influential book in my parenting. Now I am so excited to read her book on using Scripture to pray for my children who are navigating young adulthood!

    Reply

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend. Such a joy! ⁣
⁣
Be sure to check out the blog for more details and pics. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
* Poppy (John) is always happy to get help with the horses and the kids love them.⁣
* There's always a competition of some kind going on! Volleyball, a hula hoop contest, a ping-pong tournament. ⁣
* The "ice cream gutter" is a cherished annual tradition!⁣
* Lots of hanging out, and even some quiet moments, but not a lot of sleep. ⁣
⁣
If you want to host a camp or family event of your own, check out my book Cousin Camp for all kinds of ideas. (Link in bio.)⁣
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#christianmom #christianfamily #grandparent #cousincamp #familycamp
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: 
Mystery 
 
One Verse:
“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
One Thought:
You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation, still celebrating 54 years of marriage! We had a fun dinner, sharing about folks who have been role models-mentors for us in ministry and family life over these years. It sparked a fun discussion and thankful memories!
We're so grateful we got to host another Family Ca We're so grateful we got to host another Family Camp over Labor Day weekend!⁣
⁣
Here's a peek behind the scenes. I'm sharing all the details (and more pics!) over on the blog, check it out. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
1 - We had 33 of us this year!⁣
2 - So much prep and shopping. But I never clean before they come because I learned that's futile. 😜⁣
3 - Lots of cousin bonding.⁣
4 - My daughter-in-law @christenbyates, who's a professional artist, set up an art station this year and the kids loved it.⁣
5 - Cousins with their camp journals. (I keep the journals at my house and they get to write in them every year.)⁣
6 - John led a short teaching time every day, this year on Psalm 139.⁣
7 - Meals are crazy when you're cooking for 33 people!⁣
8 - There are shoes everywhere. 😂 ⁣
9 - The kids actually did dinner cleanup this year, without any prompting! ⁣
10 - A few of our guys.💙⁣
⁣
#christianfamily #cousincamp #familycamp #christianmom #grandparent
One Word: Shows One Verse: “But God shows hi One Word:  Shows
 
One Verse:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
 
One Thought:

If you, God Almighty, would send your son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.
Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our you Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our youngest grands. (We have 21!)

Catch the blog later this week for details and more pics.
This photo of me and John is from our trip to Isra This photo of me and John is from our trip to Israel last fall. When we first got married, I didn't know what being a pastor's wife would entail. Now after more than 50 years of marriage I understand a little better (although I can always learn more!).⁣
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I'm sharing an interview over on my blog with @thegospelcoalition's Front Row Seat series on Supporting Our Husbands.⁣
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We discussed how pastors’ wives can support and encourage their husbands in ministry, marriage, and life. But so much of this applies to any marriage, whether your husband is a pastor or not.⁣
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Check it out -- link in bio, or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog⁣
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You might want to share it with your pastor's wife -- it will encourage her!⁣
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@kristen_wetherell  @kario312⁣
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One Word: Founder One Verse: “...let us run One Word:  Founder
 
One Verse:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12: 1-2
 
One Thought:

You are the author of my faith. You began it, Father. It is yours. I ask you to be perfecting it. Thank you that even this isn't up to me. My part is to fix my eyes on you and let you do your work within me.
This is how we feel right now -- we finished our A This is how we feel right now -- we finished our Annual Family Camp yesterday!

4 days with 33 kids and grands; 19 teens sleeping on floors and outside, 44 bags of trash, 15 gallons of ice cream, 67 dirty towels, 135 ping pong games, 90 individual miles hiking on the AT, gleaning from Psalm 139, 532 tickles and hugs, and 2 exhausted grandparents--who are deliriously grateful!

More pics coming soon.

* numbers are estimates 😆

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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