Do you ever…
Wake up in the morning so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of your day that you don’t even want to get out of bed?
At then end of the day feel like you accomplished exactly nothing?
Watch as your “to-do” list grows instead of shrinking?
Wish you could delete all of your emails?
Long for one un-interrupted hour?
Wallow in guilt for all those things you “should” have done?
Wonder if you’ll ever get on ”top of it all?”
Many times throughout each season of my life I’ve felt defeated by “my list.”
As a mother of 5 little kids I felt like I accomplished nothing –except simply making it through the day and I didn’t feel as if I did that very well. As a mother of teens I couldn’t seem to keep up with all the surprises that hit- including the numerous things my teen could or should sign up for. What to commit to? What to say no to? And the empty nest didn’t become the season for rest. Now I was “freer” so my list of new responsibilities should grow. Or so I thought and instead the guilt of “shoulds” grew.
I’ve never met anyone who feels completely on top of things. It’s an unrealistic expectation. Life is not tidy. It’s messy.
So what helps?
Recognize the “when- then” trap.
Too often we live with the “when -then” mentality. When I just get this fixed or finished..then. But the reality is that there will always be another when.
Picture a ladder reaching up into the heavens. Living with a “when –then” mentality is a bit like climbing the ladder, struggling to reach the next rung –finish the next thing- only to find there’s another one just ahead. I think God would rather us live with a Garden mentality than a Ladder mentality. Imagine all of the gardens of Europe dropped into your county or state. The diversity and beauty would be overwhelming. You would not want to rush through them. You’d want to soak in each acre. Yes, there would be rough patches of dirt. But these patches would merely enhance the beauty of the flowers next to them.
In your own life what can you stop to enjoy now?
Ask yourself some good questions.
In this season of my life, what do I absolutely have to do now?
(You cannot do everything in any one season. It is wise to postpone to another season something you’d like to be doing now.)
What am I doing because I feel obligated or guilty?
Where are my expectations coming from? (others, myself…)
What do I need to do for my own mental health? (we all need an outlet: music, exercise, etc. )
What would happen if I didn’t…?
Am I the only person who can do this or would someone else be blessed? (sometimes we do jobs that don’t need to be ours)
Name and grieve the things I need to let go of. (the picture albums I never got to, etc.)
What can I do in my life right now to serve others? (cook double and give away a meal, etc.)
Remember the source of my identity.
In all honesty I have to recognize how easy it is to let my self-image become determined by my accomplishments. If I am “checking things off” I feel good about myself, if not I feel badly. The truth is that my list can become my idol.
Setting aside time to be with Him daily is the one thing that is the most important. Just imagine, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords desires private time with you and me. As we spend time with him He will show us what is right for our season in life.
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto it.” (Matthew 6:33)
Ann says
Such good advice from a very wise woman!!!!! I love the Puritan’s notion of ” the audience of ONE”; He is the only One we are responsible to; just so darn hard to get all the other voices out of our heads!I also love the garden vs ladder metaphor!:)
Susan Yates says
Audience of one is so good to remember!!
Love, Susan
Jane Hampson says
Oh how I need this! Thanks for the garden imagery, what a lovely vision for our lives! And the reminder that spending time with God is THE most important thing is something I constantly need. Thank you!
Jane Hampson says
It just struck me that the garden ultimately is HIS to tend, but that He lets me participate…as a gardener, I started thinking of all the weeding that garden might need, and all of the lists I make regarding just garden chores…but He will tend the garden, and I need only care for the little plot that He has me standing in now.
Susan Yates says
Great thoughts Jane! I love the way you are drawing this out!
Blessings, Susan
Karen Johnson Moy says
You nailed it! Well said. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Susan Yates says
Thanks Karen!
Love, Susan
Carol Jackson says
Thank you for sharing your wisdom honed thru the seasons we’ve known you to experience, Susan. I have long agreed the “ladder life” is the never ending trap the evil one corrals us into in cahoots with our own self expectations. We each have grandmothers and “old stuff” engrained in our “shoulds”. My daily re-start is focused on the level ground I know the Lord is giving me to walk on today. I thank Him that the path is dimly lit so I need to hold his hand throughout. Today, I’ll look for the garden I know He is growing and watering all around. Every blessing…
Susan Yates says
I love you comment about looking at level ground!
Thank you Carol!
Blessings, Susan
Susan Yates says
I love your comment about looking at level ground!
Thank you Carol!
Blessings, Susan
Angela Dusenbury says
Susan. This hits home in so many ways!!! And I love your “garden vs.ladder” metaphor. It will stick with me, as will the source of my identity (of course!) and the questions to ask myself. I think, I’ll keep this on my desktop as a reminder. Bless you for the gift you are giving us!
Susan Yates says
Thank you Angela! Bless you and we hope to see you and Don soon!
Love, Susan
Peggy Aderton says
This speaks to me and makes me re-evaluate my mental lists that never end. There is always something more!
Thank you, Susan, for putting it down in writing.
Susan Yates says
Thank you Peggy for writing! You are so right-there is always something more!
Blessings, Susan
Jackie Shrum says
You had to share this today when I am wrestling with what I need to give up! Thanks for listening to the Father. Empty Nest is proving to be more to be done.
Ruthie says
Thank you so much for this post, Susan. Wonderful words of wisdom. Plus I love that picture! Especially appreciate :”God doesn’t see us in this way. He loves us not because of what we accomplish but simply because we belong to him. Period. “
Susan Yates says
LOVE YOUR HONESTY JACKIE! WE KEEP HAVING TO LEARN GOD’S TRUTHS IN DIFFERENT WAYS IN EACH SEASON OF LIFE!