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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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5 Simple Steps to Pray Powerfully for Your Kids

by Susan Alexander Yates

We had 5 kids in 7 years including twins. Very quickly I realized I needed to run to God for help. I was desperate! The fast pace of our hectic schedules felt like a roaring train bearing down on our household. Homework, athletic practices, carpools, play dates, and summer schedules to plan. Varying emotions erupted at any moment. One child was anxious about a summer camp. Another afraid she won’t have a friend. One couldn’t decide what sport to play. And I had a hard time discerning what was right for my family.

“There are so many needs oh God, What do I do?” And God answered, “My Child, Come unto Me for you are heavy laden and I will refresh you.”

1. Getting Focused

When our kids were growing up my husband John and I took time each year to go away alone for a day and night to discuss our kids’ needs for the coming season. This enabled us to get a clearer picture of how to pray for each child in the coming months.

We discussed each child in 5 areas of growth: spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, and social. In each category we asked questions like:

  • Physical: Does this child need better eating habits? Does she need a way to get exercise?
  • Emotional: Does this child need to feel special in our large family?
  • Social: Does this child need a friend? Or perhaps this child needs to learn to reach out to others.
  • Mental: Does this child need to develop discipline in studies?
  • Spiritual: Is this child growing in her faith? Does she need to be in a Bible study with some other teens?

As we talked together we wrote down the needs for each child in each category. This became a major part of our parents’ private prayer list for each child. This exercise also helped us as parents to adapt family schedules to the real needs for the next few months. It enabled us to say “no” to over-commitment and “yes” to other things. But mainly it helped us to organize our prayer life. And it gave us the opportunity to watch God answer prayers.

2. Needed For Prayer: a Time, a Place, Notebook and Bible!

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed with so many things to pray about. Setting aside at least a half hour first thing in the morning to pray has made a big difference in my own life. I need to begin my day this way or else I will never get to it. God cares about my day, and He loves my children even more than I do. I desperately need time alone with Him.

Buy yourself a new prayer notebook. Write your parent’s list of needs for your children. Add other things you are praying for each child. Pray for the spouses God may give them; for purity and a healthy sexual identity; for wise choices in friendships; for a love of God’s word. We also had a list of character traits we prayed for God to develop in our kids (and now our grandkids)–traits like integrity, a servant’s heart, a teachable spirit, compassion, gentleness, etc.

It helps to divide your notebook into 7 separate days praying for different things each day. Otherwise it’s too overwhelming. As God answers record the answer. We will be encouraged when we look back at God’s faithfulness in answering our prayers.

But what if he doesn’t answer? He always answers. I have found that God answers prayer in basically three ways. Yes, no and wait. But he always answers out of love. If your young toddler wanted to play in the street you would answer “no.” You in your wisdom know that his request is not good for him. If your 16 year old asks to get engaged you will answer “wait.” You know she is not yet ready for this step. If your 6th grader asks to help with the dishes you will say “yes!” (You may faint first!). If we in our imperfect ability to love our children answer in this way how much more does God with his perfect love answer our prayers and our child’s prayer in a similar fashion.

When God answers a prayer with a “no” remember it’s a “love no.” He’s answers because he knows the request is not the best thing for us. Sometimes when the answer seems to be “wait” there is a silence and that can be difficult. But just because there seems to be a silence does not mean God has forgotten. He is still at work. Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

God is always working in our best interest. And he will do what is best not necessarily what is fast.

3. Praying the Scriptures

A part of my quiet time each morning is time in God’s word. If I want to know His will I need to know his heart. His heart is found in His word. We cannot separate prayer from scripture because we will slip into the danger of “creating” God in our own image.

Every day I read one Psalm and one Proverb. With the Proverbs I simply pick the day’s date. It’s easy to keep track. Then I simply put a check in my Bible as I work through the Psalms over and over. Often in my study a particular promise will be relevant to a current need in a child’s life.

When an older girl broke up with my 7th grade son, he was devastated. I shared with him Psalm 30:5, “Weeping lasts for the night but joy cometh in the morning.” Together we prayed that even though He was brokenhearted, God would bring joy in a future morning. What my son needed at that moment was hope. God’s word gave Him hope and comforted us both as we prayed together.

When my college sons were biking across America one summer I was fearful for their safety. Psalm 91 became my mother’s prayer for my sons that summer. Often I haven’t known how to pray for my child. Yet as I read the Bible I discover ways to pray. Ephesians 1:17-19 is a beautiful prayer to pray for a child. Insert the child’s name into the place of “you” as you pray making it more personal.

4. Praying with Others

For 16 years I hosted a weekly prayer meeting in my home. Every Monday morning several of us-all with kids in the same public school district- met to pray. We prayed for our kids, their teachers, and staff. Over the years we have seen some amazing answers to prayer. And we have been comforted by each other.

Many of us do not live in the same town with extended family. It often helps to have a prayer partner who will pray with you for the concerns of your children. It also helps to adopt a local “grandma” who will pray for your children, spend time in your home and give your perspective.

5. Keep Two Things in Mind As We Pray

Remember, God has given you exactly the children you need not merely so you can raise them but so that they might be used as tools in your life to help mold you into the woman he has created you to be. It’s helpful to ask,

“Dear God, what are you teaching me in this situation as I pray for this child?”

Sometimes what we learn in the process can be more important than a specific answer. Remember that as we go to God in our weaknesses and failures, often with wobbly faith, that it is not nearly as important who I am or am not as it is who God is-My almighty Father- who loves me perfectly and who loves my child even more than I do. He knows my child and He knows the plans He has for him. He will gently lead me as I raise my children.

How God Answered Our Prayers

When Chris was in middle school I felt that one of his emotional needs was that he feel special. Stuck in the middle of five kids I felt it was easier for him to feel squashed than special. And so we began to pray that he would have a sense of how special he was. In the spring he had a serious accident falling head first onto a cement floor. His skull was fractured and his brain was swelling. When the neurosurgeon met the ambulance at the hospital he wasn’t very encouraging. He simply did not know if we would lose him, if he would be brain damaged or if he would completely recover. It was too early to tell.

Many people prayed for us and when he became conscious we shared with him a verse from Romans 8:28, “For God causes all things to work for good for those who love Him and are called according to his name.”

“Chris,” I said, “We don’t understand what’s happened but let’s pray that God will use this for good.”

We prayed this for the next two weeks in the hospital. Chris completely recovered and just before we were to leave the hospital I asked my son, “Can you think of any way God has used this for good in your life?”

Looking around at get well cards stuck to his walls, the gifts piled up, he responded, “Gosh Mom I never knew how special I was.”

Yes, God answers the prayers of parents.

 

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Parenting, Prayer
June 24, 2020 · 13 Comments

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Comments

  1. kari staaland says

    June 28, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Thank you for writing these ideas of praying for your children. I needed this today. Sometimes it’s overwhelming because there are so many things to be praying for as we raise our 3 kids – ages 16, 13, and 10. It’s tough to know where to start. To know that you’ve walked this road before us younger ones – brings me comfort. Thank you for being willing to teach from a place of humility and wisdom and experience. I look forward to reading your posts each week.

    Reply
  2. Melody says

    August 30, 2017 at 8:01 pm

    Hi Susan! We are members of Restoration Anglican in Arlington. Your blog posts are such a blessing to me. I love the idea of praying this way. Curious how old your kids were when you implemented this way of praying? Mine are 3, 2, and 5mo. In some ways, I feel like I could pray in all of these areas and in other ways, not so much. Any ideas for ways to pray for the younger ones? Thanks!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      June 25, 2020 at 4:25 pm

      Thanks Melody!
      Proverbs 27: 23 says “know well the condition of your flocks…” I take that to mean that i should study my children. So ask God to reveal to you things about each little one that you can pray into their lives. My book, And Then I Had Kids, might be helpful to you as it’s written for mothers of littles and has a list of things to pray.
      Thanks so much for writing! We love the Hankes!
      warmly, susan

      Reply
  3. Susu says

    September 7, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    Hi Susan,
    I love this idea. Simon and I did it this morning for our 2 girls on their first day back to school today. I’m also sharing it with others in our church. Thanks and love from, Susu Cook Scott

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      June 25, 2020 at 4:26 pm

      Susu,
      What fun to hear from you!!!! Bless you with you littles!!
      Love Susan

      Reply
  4. Jennifer & David says

    September 2, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    Susan, thank you for,this teaching! We have implemented it and been greatly encouraged by God’s faithfulness!

    Reply
  5. Meredith Copley says

    August 20, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    Ugh, we are in such a hard place with one of our kiddos right now, and lots of times whit and I look at each other and think we have no idea what to do. What a great reminder to sit down take time, pray and ask for God to reveal each need and goal for each kids….gives such a good framework for prayer for them!!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      August 24, 2015 at 11:25 pm

      Meredith,
      Thanks for writing. You and Whit are a GREAT team. God has your kids in his his hands!
      love, Susan

      Reply
  6. jeanne says

    August 20, 2015 at 10:41 am

    This is what every new bride needs to receive as advice. 16 years for us and 4 awesome kids, but something about these 8 points written succinctly, hit home. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      August 24, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      Thanks Jeanne,
      We all continue to grow our whole married life!
      thanks for writing, Love, Susan

      Reply
  7. hollie bamford says

    August 20, 2015 at 2:25 am

    Susan- Thank you for your sharing your wisdom. We missed something like this with our children but certainly will look to this for our 2 grandsons.

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      August 24, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      Thanks Hollie,
      We can do it as couples and share with each other as well so that we know how to pray for one another. Thanks for writing!!

      Reply
  8. Susan Laker says

    August 20, 2015 at 1:03 am

    Susan I love this idea and even though one is in college and one a sophomore it is not too late! Thank you for this beautiful and wise example of how to pray for our children.

    Reply

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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Hiking on the AT with Charley Dog. ❤ God's been Hiking on the AT with Charley Dog. ❤  God's been speaking to my heart through nature recently, and I'm blogging about that this week @rootandvinenews. Here's a short excerpt -- link in my bio to read the rest. I hope you can get out in nature this summer!⁣
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Ever so slowly over the past decade God has been opening my eyes and touching my soul in ways I had not expected. For the past 40 years I’ve written books and blogs and spoken throughout the country on topics of parenting, marriage, and faith. These areas have been my primary focus. I still love to speak and write on these themes. ⁣
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Yet more recently our heavenly Father has been awakening within my heart a deep desire to dwell in nature, to really look at His creation, to observe His beauty, to marvel at the things I learn about His creation from twisted roots, fragile flowers, craggy rocks, singing birds, crawly creatures and unusual quiet. Silence. We live in a noisy world, but we were also created for silence. I think of Jesus slipping away in the night to be alone in the hills enjoying the company of His heavenly Father in quiet. Oh, the sweet fragrance of simply being alone together.⁣
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At least once a year we all sing “Joy to the World,” the beautiful Christmas hymn with the familiar refrain, “Let heaven and nature sing.” One winter day on a walk in the woods this hymn came to my mind. I began to think about these words as I looked around a snowy, bare path. Because the birds had flown south there was more silence than in the spring. Focusing on the quiet, I asked God to enable me to hear his voice. There wasn’t a lot to hear but as I concentrated, I heard bare branches squeaking as they rubbed against each other. Wind gusts magnified sounds of creaking and worn-out limbs fell to the ground, bumping against bare rocks with a resounding thud. ⁣
⁣
Read the rest -- link in bio, or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog
I snapped this picture of a parent watching over h I snapped this picture of a parent watching over her flock! 

It reminds me of Psalm 121…God your Father is watching over you! At this very moment He is watching over you!
I need this reminder often! It can be easy to get I need this reminder often! It can be easy to get caught up in my to-do list: if I check things off I feel good about myself and if not, I don't.⁣
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But my identity is not dependent on my accomplishments. God cares a whole lot more about who I am becoming than about what I'm checking off my list.⁣
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This is just one small point from my blog this week: Help, I Can't Do It All: 4 Faith Principles for Overwhelmed Moms.⁣
⁣
I hope it encourages you! Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog⁣
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PS: this photo is from one of my hiking trips out West. 💚
I loved Julius’s message on Mephibosheth. Here’s a clip! @thegospelcoalition #tgcw22
One of the special things about being at the TGCW2 One of the special things about being at the TGCW22 with over 8K present and more online is the women you meet and old friends you connect with from all walks of life! Here are a few special women. We just listens to a fabulous message from Courtney Doctor with new insights on David. Check it outline!#TGCW22 @thegospelcoalition
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We had 5 children in 7 years including a set of tw We had 5 children in 7 years including a set of twins. Not one of our kids was a sleeper. We did not sleep through the night on a regular basis for 10 years! Sleep deprivation stinks. 

When our twins (the last ones) were 6 weeks old we moved to a new state. I had no friends, no family nearby and no help. It was a hard, hard season.

Today all 5 of our kids are married and we have 21 grandchildren. I never imagined my life would turn out like this! (Swipe right to see our kids all grown up with their spouses, and then the whole big family -- a pic from a few years back.)

At different times over these years, I’ve felt like a failure, worried over a child, been frustrated with my husband, disappointed in my career, and wondered if anyone else felt like “this.” 

And I’ve realized again and again that I can’t do it all. No one can. 

Looking at Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook doesn’t help. Those people all look so perfect. 

And I’m not. 

What about you? 

Are you feeling defeated, lonely, “less than,” confused, anxious or hopeless? 

Let’s be honest. We can each feel these things no matter what season of life we are in. It’s easy to feel stuck. 

Where do we go for encouragement? How can we find perspective?

This week on the blog I'm sharing 4 Faith Principles for Overwhelmed Moms -- things that will help when you feel like saying, 'HELP! I can't do it all!'

Check it out! Link in bio. 

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One of the most fun things of TGCW22 is reuniting One of the most fun things of TGCW22 is reuniting with old friends and connecting new friends.#TGCW22 @thegospelcoalition
So much fun speaking on a panel on “Aging with G So much fun speaking on a panel on “Aging with Grace” with Karen Hodge and Susan Hunt.#tgcw22 @thegospelcoalition

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Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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