This week I’m blogging over at Club31Women about how guilt and shame became my companions in my early years of motherhood — and how I learned to change my prayer when I felt like I was letting God down.
Here’s a snippet:
We had five kids in seven years.
Six weeks after our twins were born (numbers four and five) we moved from Pennsylvania to Northern Virginia. I had no friends, no family, no help, and I was severely sleep-deprived with colicky babies. My husband was in his first job as a Senior Pastor, so he was gone a lot.
To say that it was a rough time is an understatement! I was miserable. I felt like a failure as a mom, as a wife, and as a ministry partner. As I staggered through my day, waiting for someone to fall asleep I’d pray, “Lord, please make me a better wife, a better mother, a nicer person.”
I am sure He heard me, but I did not see many answers to this prayer for nearly two years.
Mostly I just felt like a failure.
Up until this time in my life, I’d been pretty successful at things. And then I had twins. And then we moved. And…now I wasn’t accomplishing anything at all.
During this pandemic I can only love my grandchildren virtually and I’m becoming heartbroken for want of “touch and feel.” Suggestions/ideas for a more structured weekly family circle online ? I need something to look forward to – to hope for.
Thank you so much for this article. My husband retired 3 years ago from being a senior pastor. We stepped away from all we had know throughout our married lives. Since that time, I have felt very useless in the Kingdom. It has been such a time of learning for me. Your article spoke to me and encouraged me.
Thank you for that good reminder, Susan…and you are right… I would rather just learn things once🤦♀️- not how it works! Thank goodness God doesn’t mind reminding us❤️