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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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Help for Parents of Middle School Kids: Insights From My 8th Grade Diary

by Susan Alexander Yates

Recently I found the most hilarious thing — a diary I kept when I was in 8th grade!

It’s the only year I ever remember keeping a diary. Re-reading it made me laugh uproariously. Particularly because I have 2 granddaughters who are in 8th grade, and this helped me see that we’re so very much alike in our experiences  — even though separated by decades. 

And old blue diary with the year 1961 on the front.

My old 8th grade diary.

The world my granddaughters are growing up in is vastly different than the world in which I grew up.

THEN: Computers were an unknown; TV was new and with mostly innocent shows like “Leave it to Beaver” and “The Lone Ranger.” We spent more time outside than in front of screens. You had to read actual books and write your own papers. Artificial intelligence was unheard of. 

Couples tended to stay married. Faith was normative and ‘political correctness’ an unknown term. Travel was less of an option, money tighter for most, and family members tended to live closer to each other. Our options were fewer.

Life wasn’t perfect. We experienced wars, racism, political fools, and disease. Every generation reveals our inborn capacity for evil. 

NOW: Our kids’ lives are greatly influenced by social media. More time is spent on devices. Eating disorders, broken families, pornography, drugs, and nearly weekly shootings present great challenges to the young as well as to their parents.

There are many more options for our kids in how to spend their time and our resources! Parents find themselves living in their cars as they race from one child’s commitment to another. The pressure to succeed or raise successful kids has become overwhelming.  

I went thrift shopping with my two 8th grade granddaughters (cousins). They found one pair of PJ”s they both fit in!

AND YET

In reading my diary I was surprised how similar I was to my 8th grade granddaughters!

Here are a few excerpts found in my old diary:

It was hard to get back to school today. George wasn’t very nice when I asked him to come over and help me put up the basketball goal. It hurt my feelings.”

“This was the worst day of my life. I found out my basketball team was to go out of town to play in a night game, but Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me go because it’s a school night.”

“We have an algebra test tomorrow. I’ve gotta make good on it! Nothing much happened today. Linda and I are real pals now and don’t like Becky. She’s bossy and conceited.”

“We (UNC) beat Wake Forest 83-74!”

“I’m afraid I’m beginning to like Jimmy but I don’t want to because I really hate him.”

“She’s not my best friend any more.”

“I am a failure. Lisa’s party wasn’t much fun. I danced with George, Butch, Glen, Jimmy, Doug at the beginning but then I stood for the rest of the night. I am a complete failure. I must remember that popularity isn’t everything.”

“We won our basketball game 35-20. I played the whole game and scored 8 points!”

“I miss Jim. He’s moved away. I wish he could have seen me without my glasses and with my curly hair, then I wouldn’t be so ugly.”

“I had a terrible time in Algebra with Mrs. Morrow and had to stay in for her. She doesn’t like the way I smile. She says I look like a horse eating briars! She told me to stop smiling and take algebra seriously. I said, ‘What do you want me to do, cry over it?’ She got real mad and said she was gonna call Dad. I said that’s fine. Boy I’d like to see her standup to my father!”

I am still laughing as I read my old diary.

“Rules to keep myself from being like Becky, Linda, Lisa, Jilly, Kathy.” Ha!

Three things stand out to me about being 14, then and now:

  • Girls change best friends regularly and are mean to one another.
  • What boy you like (or intensely dislike) can change daily.
  • You are often passionate about something. (For me, it was sports).

One word is helpful for us parents to remember: PERSPECTIVE.

At this age our girls lack perspective. Perspective comes with age and experience!

My friend’s grandson who is now 17 recently called a family meeting to say, 

I have an apology to make, I’m sorry I was ever 14!”

Amazing perspective for a 17-year-old. 

It’s hard for us parents to watch our kids struggle. We must remember, they are young. 

Black and white photo with four children and a dog, in the front yard with house behind them.

Here I am with my siblings, around the time this diary was written. I’m the oldest.

Three things will help us navigate these rough middle school years.

1. Distinguish between crucial issues and swing issues. 

Crucial issues are those issues that have to do with character: integrity, compassion, responsibility, self-discipline, respect. Crucial issues are also those issues on which the Bible has clear teaching: sex outside of marriage, murder, stealing, etc. 

Consider the crucial issues as nonnegotiable. Lying isn’t tolerated. It’s nonnegotiable. 

Swing issues, on the other hand, aren’t so cut and dried. Nose rings, blue hair, tattoos, messy rooms, moodiness. It helps to be very firm in the early years of child raising and then begin to loosen up as you hit the teen years. Too often parents coddle young children to keep them happy and then come down hard in the teen years. This is ineffective.

2. Expose your young teens to people unlike themselves. 

Most teenagers are self-centered, and American teenagers have no idea how good they have it. Their natural self-focus can lead to dissatisfaction and depression.

One of the best things a parent can do is provide opportunities for your child to spend time with sharp older believers. A young teen will be more likely to listen to a believing college student or young adult who talks with them than to a mom or dad. Send your kids to Christian camps and conferences.  (Scholarships are usually available). 

Give them opportunities to serve. Serving others who are less fortunate will give them perspective. My two eight grade granddaughters are spending a week with their aunt this summer at a camp called Hope Heals serving and learning from families affected by disabilities. 

I can’t wait to see the fresh perspective this exposure and service will bring into their lives. 

3. Laugh a lot. 

When I was in about 8th grade, I remember bursting into tears with my mother: “I am not pretty. I am too tall and too awkward. I am not popular. I’ll never be popular.” My wise mother did not overreact, she merely hugged me and said, “Your Dad and I think you are beautiful, and one day your turn will come.” 

Sometimes what a distraught young teen needs most is a light-hearted parent. A parent who does not panic. A parent who knows how to use laughter to bring perspective to a situation. We all need to learn to laugh at ourselves. 

I probably did look like a horse eating briars, and I’m sure I drove my family crazy. After all, I was in 8th grade!

You may also want to read:

  • Sibling Rivalry in the Tweens and Teens
  • Encouragement for the Season of Parenting Teens
  • And Then I Had Teenagers

 

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Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend. Such a joy! ⁣
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Be sure to check out the blog for more details and pics. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
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* Poppy (John) is always happy to get help with the horses and the kids love them.⁣
* There's always a competition of some kind going on! Volleyball, a hula hoop contest, a ping-pong tournament. ⁣
* The "ice cream gutter" is a cherished annual tradition!⁣
* Lots of hanging out, and even some quiet moments, but not a lot of sleep. ⁣
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If you want to host a camp or family event of your own, check out my book Cousin Camp for all kinds of ideas. (Link in bio.)⁣
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#christianmom #christianfamily #grandparent #cousincamp #familycamp
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: 
Mystery 
 
One Verse:
“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
One Thought:
You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation, still celebrating 54 years of marriage! We had a fun dinner, sharing about folks who have been role models-mentors for us in ministry and family life over these years. It sparked a fun discussion and thankful memories!
We're so grateful we got to host another Family Ca We're so grateful we got to host another Family Camp over Labor Day weekend!⁣
⁣
Here's a peek behind the scenes. I'm sharing all the details (and more pics!) over on the blog, check it out. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
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1 - We had 33 of us this year!⁣
2 - So much prep and shopping. But I never clean before they come because I learned that's futile. 😜⁣
3 - Lots of cousin bonding.⁣
4 - My daughter-in-law @christenbyates, who's a professional artist, set up an art station this year and the kids loved it.⁣
5 - Cousins with their camp journals. (I keep the journals at my house and they get to write in them every year.)⁣
6 - John led a short teaching time every day, this year on Psalm 139.⁣
7 - Meals are crazy when you're cooking for 33 people!⁣
8 - There are shoes everywhere. 😂 ⁣
9 - The kids actually did dinner cleanup this year, without any prompting! ⁣
10 - A few of our guys.💙⁣
⁣
#christianfamily #cousincamp #familycamp #christianmom #grandparent
One Word: Shows One Verse: “But God shows hi One Word:  Shows
 
One Verse:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
 
One Thought:

If you, God Almighty, would send your son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.
Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our you Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our youngest grands. (We have 21!)

Catch the blog later this week for details and more pics.
This photo of me and John is from our trip to Isra This photo of me and John is from our trip to Israel last fall. When we first got married, I didn't know what being a pastor's wife would entail. Now after more than 50 years of marriage I understand a little better (although I can always learn more!).⁣
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I'm sharing an interview over on my blog with @thegospelcoalition's Front Row Seat series on Supporting Our Husbands.⁣
⁣
We discussed how pastors’ wives can support and encourage their husbands in ministry, marriage, and life. But so much of this applies to any marriage, whether your husband is a pastor or not.⁣
⁣
Check it out -- link in bio, or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog⁣
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You might want to share it with your pastor's wife -- it will encourage her!⁣
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@kristen_wetherell  @kario312⁣
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#christianwife  #pastorswife  #christianmarriage
One Word: Founder One Verse: “...let us run One Word:  Founder
 
One Verse:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12: 1-2
 
One Thought:

You are the author of my faith. You began it, Father. It is yours. I ask you to be perfecting it. Thank you that even this isn't up to me. My part is to fix my eyes on you and let you do your work within me.
This is how we feel right now -- we finished our A This is how we feel right now -- we finished our Annual Family Camp yesterday!

4 days with 33 kids and grands; 19 teens sleeping on floors and outside, 44 bags of trash, 15 gallons of ice cream, 67 dirty towels, 135 ping pong games, 90 individual miles hiking on the AT, gleaning from Psalm 139, 532 tickles and hugs, and 2 exhausted grandparents--who are deliriously grateful!

More pics coming soon.

* numbers are estimates 😆

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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