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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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Don’t Give Them Everything They Want

by Susan Alexander Yates

Are you thinking about Christmas gifts for kids–and how many to buy this year?  Let me encourage you:  don’t give them everything on their wish list!

I grew up the eldest of four kids. We had plenty, but there was not a lot of excess. My parents were very careful with their finances. Christmas was wonderful but gifts were carefully chosen, not overdone, and sometimes purchased with creativity.

I still remember one particularly moving Christmas. My younger brother had begged and longed for a bike–his first real big two-wheeler. He couldn’t wait to see what Santa brought.

Anticipation and excitement pulsated throughout our home the night before and by dawn’s early light we kids were standing by the living room door waiting impatiently for permission to enter.

Are you thinking about Christmas gifts for kids--and how many to buy this year?  Let me encourage you:  don't give them everything on their wish list!

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

My brother’s face burst into joy when he saw his bright red two-wheeler. He was way too excited to notice that the tires were a bit worn, the paint obviously fresh, and small rust marks treated. It was his, and it was perfect!

Until . . . later in the day his best friend Tom, who lived across the street, came over with his new bike. It was bigger, shinier, and still had new tags and stickers in place.

My little brother’s shoulders began to sag as he looked at his bike and compared it to Tom’s. Someone else had something bigger and better. And he was disappointed.

Mom and Dad were quick to point out the special features of both bikes and sent the boys off to ride, not allowing the differences in the bikes to become an issue. Instead, they had us all rejoicing that both boys got bikes.

Over the years I’ve wondered how my parents really felt. They probably felt sad they could not do for their kids what our neighbors could. They may have wondered if my brother would feel as loved as his buddy. And I imagine they were a bit embarrassed when the neighbors saw what my brother got–obviously a second-hand gift.

Are you thinking about Christmas gifts for kids--and how many to buy this year?  Let me encourage you:  don't give them everything on their wish list!

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash.

Perhaps you as a parent or grandparent are feeling a bit sad as Christmas approaches because you cannot give your children everything they want. If this is you, be glad! And if you are able to do all they want, don’t do it!

We live in an entitled culture. And it’s dangerous. In order to keep our kids happy or to avoid disappointing them, we give in excess. This is bad for us and bad for our kids.

Why?

They are going to live in a world where they will not always be able to have whatever they want when they want it. If they don’t begin to learn this lesson while they are young they will have a very miserable life as an adult.

Our kids have to learn to wait. That thing they wanted now might have to be a gift of the future. A wise parent teaches his children to wait while they are young. This prepares them for adulthood.

True happiness comes from giving not getting. This is true in marriage. It is true in sibling relationships and in every other relationship we have.

So what do we do?

Don’t be afraid to disappoint your child.  You’d be surprised how many “must-have toys” are misplaced or forgotten after a week.

Shop second-hand or on Craig’s list.

Make a family policy not to buy anything advertised on TV.  Kids will want everything they see on commercials. Tell them, “We don’t buy what we see on commercials.” (Okay, this might be a little severe, but do make some kind of family policy.)

Refuse to fall into the guilt trap or the comparison trap.  I feel guilty because I can’t get… or I can’t do for mine what “they” can do for theirs.

Remain upbeat no matter what your child’s reaction is.  Help them to be thankful. Remind them of all the good things they received.

Before Christmas, have them clean out their toys and give some away to those in need.

Remind your kids that we are rich, not poor.  The majority of us have a roof over our heads, a real floor to walk on and food to eat. Show them pictures of kids in the third world or drive through a poor neighborhood in your town. Talk about what you see and how you might help. This will give them perspective and a heart to serve others.

Focus on the real meaning of Christmas. Initiate table conversation that focuses on the events surrounding the birth of Christ, rather than on who wants what.

As I reflect on my brother’s second-hand bike, what has stayed with me over the years was that Mom and Dad were not ruled by “the lack.” Instead, they chose to be upbeat and grateful. They knew that someone else would always have bigger and better and more.

But what we had was the most precious–an understanding of the gift of Jesus and the love for one another.

PS:  Check out my gift for you — get four free One Word cards when you join my newsletter!

Originally Posted at Momlife Today
Republished at Club31Women

 

Are you thinking about Christmas gifts for kids--and how many to buy this year?  Let me encourage you:  don't give them everything on their wish list!

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Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend. Such a joy! ⁣
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Be sure to check out the blog for more details and pics. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
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* Poppy (John) is always happy to get help with the horses and the kids love them.⁣
* There's always a competition of some kind going on! Volleyball, a hula hoop contest, a ping-pong tournament. ⁣
* The "ice cream gutter" is a cherished annual tradition!⁣
* Lots of hanging out, and even some quiet moments, but not a lot of sleep. ⁣
⁣
If you want to host a camp or family event of your own, check out my book Cousin Camp for all kinds of ideas. (Link in bio.)⁣
⁣
#christianmom #christianfamily #grandparent #cousincamp #familycamp
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: 
Mystery 
 
One Verse:
“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
One Thought:
You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation, still celebrating 54 years of marriage! We had a fun dinner, sharing about folks who have been role models-mentors for us in ministry and family life over these years. It sparked a fun discussion and thankful memories!
We're so grateful we got to host another Family Ca We're so grateful we got to host another Family Camp over Labor Day weekend!⁣
⁣
Here's a peek behind the scenes. I'm sharing all the details (and more pics!) over on the blog, check it out. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
1 - We had 33 of us this year!⁣
2 - So much prep and shopping. But I never clean before they come because I learned that's futile. 😜⁣
3 - Lots of cousin bonding.⁣
4 - My daughter-in-law @christenbyates, who's a professional artist, set up an art station this year and the kids loved it.⁣
5 - Cousins with their camp journals. (I keep the journals at my house and they get to write in them every year.)⁣
6 - John led a short teaching time every day, this year on Psalm 139.⁣
7 - Meals are crazy when you're cooking for 33 people!⁣
8 - There are shoes everywhere. 😂 ⁣
9 - The kids actually did dinner cleanup this year, without any prompting! ⁣
10 - A few of our guys.💙⁣
⁣
#christianfamily #cousincamp #familycamp #christianmom #grandparent
One Word: Shows One Verse: “But God shows hi One Word:  Shows
 
One Verse:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
 
One Thought:

If you, God Almighty, would send your son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.
Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our you Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our youngest grands. (We have 21!)

Catch the blog later this week for details and more pics.
This photo of me and John is from our trip to Isra This photo of me and John is from our trip to Israel last fall. When we first got married, I didn't know what being a pastor's wife would entail. Now after more than 50 years of marriage I understand a little better (although I can always learn more!).⁣
⁣
I'm sharing an interview over on my blog with @thegospelcoalition's Front Row Seat series on Supporting Our Husbands.⁣
⁣
We discussed how pastors’ wives can support and encourage their husbands in ministry, marriage, and life. But so much of this applies to any marriage, whether your husband is a pastor or not.⁣
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Check it out -- link in bio, or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog⁣
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You might want to share it with your pastor's wife -- it will encourage her!⁣
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@kristen_wetherell  @kario312⁣
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#christianwife  #pastorswife  #christianmarriage
One Word: Founder One Verse: “...let us run One Word:  Founder
 
One Verse:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12: 1-2
 
One Thought:

You are the author of my faith. You began it, Father. It is yours. I ask you to be perfecting it. Thank you that even this isn't up to me. My part is to fix my eyes on you and let you do your work within me.
This is how we feel right now -- we finished our A This is how we feel right now -- we finished our Annual Family Camp yesterday!

4 days with 33 kids and grands; 19 teens sleeping on floors and outside, 44 bags of trash, 15 gallons of ice cream, 67 dirty towels, 135 ping pong games, 90 individual miles hiking on the AT, gleaning from Psalm 139, 532 tickles and hugs, and 2 exhausted grandparents--who are deliriously grateful!

More pics coming soon.

* numbers are estimates 😆

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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