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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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Why Thank-You Notes Matter

by Susan Alexander Yates

It’s that time of the year… Do you struggle to get your kids to write thank-you notes?

The late legendary advice columnist, Ann Landers, once said that the majority of the letters she received fell into two categories—agony from a writer whose spouse was having an affair or sadness from a grandparent who never received thank-you notes from grandchildren.

Some thank-you notes and pictures taped up on a laundry room wall.

I keep some of my favorite thank-you notes taped up in my laundry room. I love seeing them while I’m working!

Alas, the art of writing thank-you notes does seem to have decreased in today’s culture. And yet this is an important discipline we need to practice and to teach our kids. Why?

It is a character trait.

Thank-you notes teach us to honor and appreciate others. They serve to keep us from taking others for granted. They help to protect our kids from an ever-encroaching sense of entitlement. Our culture cries out, ”please me, satisfy me, make me happy.”  Thank-you notes are one tiny discipline to train us in appreciating others. And the art of appreciation will go a long way in marriage.

We live in the Washington DC area where folks here are incredibly busy and often self-focused. Yet, one thing I’ve noticed: They write thank-you notes–for interviews, for luncheons, for a favor done, for a gift received. From the most well-known to the least noticed, one often receives a note. It’s expected. And it’s a good thing.

Our church has an intern program for post-college grads and every year when our interns arrive, my husband gives each one of them a gift of personalized cards and explains to them the importance of writing thank-you notes. Some have grown up writing them, others have never written a single one. But they need to learn–it’s a character trait.

A laundry room with thank-you notes and photos taped to the wall.

You might want to keep some of your favorites, too!

Do we like to write thank you notes? Not usually. Do our kids? No. But it’s our job as parents to train them to write them anyway. Provide the stationery. Set a deadline by which all thank-you notes must be written or privileges (the car, TV, computer, etc.) will be withheld until they are finished. And then follow through.

Yes, your kids will complain. That’s their job! But do it anyway. You are training them in thoughtfulness and respect–two crucial character traits they will need for life.

Little kids can color a picture and dictate words. Bigger kids can write brief notes. Yes, they could email or text. However a handwritten note will mean a lot more to the recipient. It shows thought and time.

Plan a thank-you note party at your kitchen table, complete with refreshments and music. This gets everyone involved and makes this task more enjoyable.

So you haven’t finished your Christmas thank-you notes? I haven’t either. I need to get out all the left over goodies, put on some good music and have a party!

 

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January 4, 2023 · 11 Comments

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Comments

  1. Rosemary Kromidas Hendrix says

    December 31, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    I love thank you notes! I taught my children the importance of writing notes of thanks, I bought my grandchildren books of manners, which included thank you notes. I am saddened that they never wrote the notes and neither do my great-grands…oh well, I suppose they are too busy playing with their iPad.

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      I’m sad too. Just pray that one day someone they admire (an employer, etc.) will tell them how important it is!
      Thanks, Susan

      Reply
  2. Libby Borders says

    December 31, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    Great article and I so agree! However, I think “stationary” in this article should have been spelled “stationery”.

    Reply
    • Gretchen Rockenfield says

      December 31, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      You are absolutely correct. Think paper ending in “er” just like stationery.

      Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      Libby,
      Thanks so much! We’ll fix it!!!
      I appreciate the heads up.
      Susan

      Reply
  3. Carrie Canon says

    December 29, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    I agree wholeheartedly! However, did you know schools are no longer teaching cursive handwriting? I recently discovered this while helping my niece with HS graduation thank you notes. Hers looked horrible in childlike letters. I hope they bring back cursive writing soon!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:38 pm

      Carrie,
      This is sad! You are so right. Well, at least they can send a thoughtful email with more than one or two sentences!
      Blessings, Susan

      Reply
  4. Kiersten Hansen says

    December 28, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Susan,

    One of the things that has always stood out to me about Libby & McLean is they are so THANKFUL!! They would thank me and everyone else for even the smallest things. Your legacy has impacted me! So thank YOU for that!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      Kiersten,
      Thank you so much. You have blessed my family in so many ways!
      Love, Susan

      Reply
  5. Sandra Hawkins says

    December 28, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Thanks Susan. I needed that reminder! ?

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Thanks so much for commenting Sandra.
      Blessings Susan

      Reply

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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