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Susan Alexander Yates

Susan Alexander Yates

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Why Thank-You Notes Matter

by Susan Alexander Yates

It’s that time of the year… Do you struggle to get your kids to write thank-you notes?

The late legendary advice columnist, Ann Landers, once said that the majority of the letters she received fell into two categories—agony from a writer whose spouse was having an affair or sadness from a grandparent who never received thank-you notes from grandchildren.

Some thank-you notes and pictures taped up on a laundry room wall.

I keep some of my favorite thank-you notes taped up in my laundry room. I love seeing them while I’m working!

Alas, the art of writing thank-you notes does seem to have decreased in today’s culture. And yet this is an important discipline we need to practice and to teach our kids. Why?

It is a character trait.

Thank-you notes teach us to honor and appreciate others. They serve to keep us from taking others for granted. They help to protect our kids from an ever-encroaching sense of entitlement. Our culture cries out, ”please me, satisfy me, make me happy.”  Thank-you notes are one tiny discipline to train us in appreciating others. And the art of appreciation will go a long way in marriage.

We live in the Washington DC area where folks here are incredibly busy and often self-focused. Yet, one thing I’ve noticed: They write thank-you notes–for interviews, for luncheons, for a favor done, for a gift received. From the most well-known to the least noticed, one often receives a note. It’s expected. And it’s a good thing.

Our church has an intern program for post-college grads and every year when our interns arrive, my husband gives each one of them a gift of personalized cards and explains to them the importance of writing thank-you notes. Some have grown up writing them, others have never written a single one. But they need to learn–it’s a character trait.

A laundry room with thank-you notes and photos taped to the wall.

You might want to keep some of your favorites, too!

Do we like to write thank you notes? Not usually. Do our kids? No. But it’s our job as parents to train them to write them anyway. Provide the stationery. Set a deadline by which all thank-you notes must be written or privileges (the car, TV, computer, etc.) will be withheld until they are finished. And then follow through.

Yes, your kids will complain. That’s their job! But do it anyway. You are training them in thoughtfulness and respect–two crucial character traits they will need for life.

Little kids can color a picture and dictate words. Bigger kids can write brief notes. Yes, they could email or text. However a handwritten note will mean a lot more to the recipient. It shows thought and time.

Plan a thank-you note party at your kitchen table, complete with refreshments and music. This gets everyone involved and makes this task more enjoyable.

So you haven’t finished your Christmas thank-you notes? I haven’t either. I need to get out all the left over goodies, put on some good music and have a party!

 

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January 4, 2023 · 11 Comments

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Comments

  1. Rosemary Kromidas Hendrix says

    December 31, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    I love thank you notes! I taught my children the importance of writing notes of thanks, I bought my grandchildren books of manners, which included thank you notes. I am saddened that they never wrote the notes and neither do my great-grands…oh well, I suppose they are too busy playing with their iPad.

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      I’m sad too. Just pray that one day someone they admire (an employer, etc.) will tell them how important it is!
      Thanks, Susan

      Reply
  2. Libby Borders says

    December 31, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    Great article and I so agree! However, I think “stationary” in this article should have been spelled “stationery”.

    Reply
    • Gretchen Rockenfield says

      December 31, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      You are absolutely correct. Think paper ending in “er” just like stationery.

      Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      Libby,
      Thanks so much! We’ll fix it!!!
      I appreciate the heads up.
      Susan

      Reply
  3. Carrie Canon says

    December 29, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    I agree wholeheartedly! However, did you know schools are no longer teaching cursive handwriting? I recently discovered this while helping my niece with HS graduation thank you notes. Hers looked horrible in childlike letters. I hope they bring back cursive writing soon!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:38 pm

      Carrie,
      This is sad! You are so right. Well, at least they can send a thoughtful email with more than one or two sentences!
      Blessings, Susan

      Reply
  4. Kiersten Hansen says

    December 28, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Susan,

    One of the things that has always stood out to me about Libby & McLean is they are so THANKFUL!! They would thank me and everyone else for even the smallest things. Your legacy has impacted me! So thank YOU for that!

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      Kiersten,
      Thank you so much. You have blessed my family in so many ways!
      Love, Susan

      Reply
  5. Sandra Hawkins says

    December 28, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Thanks Susan. I needed that reminder! ?

    Reply
    • Susan Yates says

      January 1, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Thanks so much for commenting Sandra.
      Blessings Susan

      Reply

Hello, I’m Susan.

Susan Alexander Yates

I’m a wife (of more than 50 years), mom to five children (including a set of twins), and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). My favorite time of the year is when all my kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.

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More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend More of our Family Camp fun from Labor Day weekend. Such a joy! ⁣
⁣
Be sure to check out the blog for more details and pics. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
* Poppy (John) is always happy to get help with the horses and the kids love them.⁣
* There's always a competition of some kind going on! Volleyball, a hula hoop contest, a ping-pong tournament. ⁣
* The "ice cream gutter" is a cherished annual tradition!⁣
* Lots of hanging out, and even some quiet moments, but not a lot of sleep. ⁣
⁣
If you want to host a camp or family event of your own, check out my book Cousin Camp for all kinds of ideas. (Link in bio.)⁣
⁣
#christianmom #christianfamily #grandparent #cousincamp #familycamp
One Word: Mystery One Verse: “To them God ch One Word: 
Mystery 
 
One Verse:
“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27
 
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You are a God of mystery. It’s a glorious mystery. I can’t explain you even though sometimes I want to. Your mystery is part of what makes you so much greater than man. Thank you that you, with all of your glorious mystery, have chosen to dwell in me.
John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation John and I are in Colorado for a week’s vacation, still celebrating 54 years of marriage! We had a fun dinner, sharing about folks who have been role models-mentors for us in ministry and family life over these years. It sparked a fun discussion and thankful memories!
We're so grateful we got to host another Family Ca We're so grateful we got to host another Family Camp over Labor Day weekend!⁣
⁣
Here's a peek behind the scenes. I'm sharing all the details (and more pics!) over on the blog, check it out. (Link in bio or go to susanalexanderyates.com/blog)⁣
⁣
1 - We had 33 of us this year!⁣
2 - So much prep and shopping. But I never clean before they come because I learned that's futile. 😜⁣
3 - Lots of cousin bonding.⁣
4 - My daughter-in-law @christenbyates, who's a professional artist, set up an art station this year and the kids loved it.⁣
5 - Cousins with their camp journals. (I keep the journals at my house and they get to write in them every year.)⁣
6 - John led a short teaching time every day, this year on Psalm 139.⁣
7 - Meals are crazy when you're cooking for 33 people!⁣
8 - There are shoes everywhere. 😂 ⁣
9 - The kids actually did dinner cleanup this year, without any prompting! ⁣
10 - A few of our guys.💙⁣
⁣
#christianfamily #cousincamp #familycamp #christianmom #grandparent
One Word: Shows One Verse: “But God shows hi One Word:  Shows
 
One Verse:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
 
One Thought:

If you, God Almighty, would send your son to die for me in my own wickedness, then how much more will you show me how to make the decision I need to make.
Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our you Cousin love at Family Camp! These are 2 of our youngest grands. (We have 21!)

Catch the blog later this week for details and more pics.
This photo of me and John is from our trip to Isra This photo of me and John is from our trip to Israel last fall. When we first got married, I didn't know what being a pastor's wife would entail. Now after more than 50 years of marriage I understand a little better (although I can always learn more!).⁣
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I'm sharing an interview over on my blog with @thegospelcoalition's Front Row Seat series on Supporting Our Husbands.⁣
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We discussed how pastors’ wives can support and encourage their husbands in ministry, marriage, and life. But so much of this applies to any marriage, whether your husband is a pastor or not.⁣
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You might want to share it with your pastor's wife -- it will encourage her!⁣
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@kristen_wetherell  @kario312⁣
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This is how we feel right now -- we finished our A This is how we feel right now -- we finished our Annual Family Camp yesterday!

4 days with 33 kids and grands; 19 teens sleeping on floors and outside, 44 bags of trash, 15 gallons of ice cream, 67 dirty towels, 135 ping pong games, 90 individual miles hiking on the AT, gleaning from Psalm 139, 532 tickles and hugs, and 2 exhausted grandparents--who are deliriously grateful!

More pics coming soon.

* numbers are estimates 😆

Copyright © 2023 · Susan Alexander Yates · All Rights Reserved
Calligraphy by Jessica Blanchard · Paintings by Christen Yates
Blog and Ask Susan Photo by Natalie Puls Photography · Books Photo by Cambria Elizabeth

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