This week I’m blogging over at Club31Women about the things our kids really need from us. Here’s an excerpt.
Today there are so many voices telling us what our kids need. Or telling us that if we want to be “good parents,” we have to provide _________.
From opportunities to extracurricular activities, to the latest technology, to stuff (hip shoes, a car, a trip.). The list goes on and on and guess what? It will never stop growing.
It’s easy for us to fall prey to parental peer pressure.
Her child is on a travel sports team, but we don’t have the luxury to do that. Her child is involved in more activities outside of school. Her child has a special tutor for college prep.
When we compare ourselves to that other parent, we seem to fall short. And when we experience sadness or even bitterness from our child, we feel even worse. We don’t like to disappoint.
What makes this hard is that most of the opportunities are good. It’s far easier to say “no” to something that is not good than it is to discern between good and best.
So, what do our kids really need from us?
Consider these 4 things:
1. They need to know they are not first.
OK this sounds strange. Particularly in our child-oriented society. However, our child’s security grows not when they get whatever they want but when they intuitively know that Mom and Dad are in charge. Their parents may say “no.” A child who calls the shots in the home will become insecure, not secure. God did not intend for that child to have that much authority over his or her parents. Consider a strong willed 4-year-old. One who is rarely told “no.” She stomps her foot and says, I have to, I want to, I need to…”
Underneath her demands is the desire to control and this is unhealthy. A child who consistently gets his way is most likely to grow into a spouse who demands his way, ignoring the wishes of his spouse.
So what do we as parents do?