Help! I Need Wisdom. Where Can I Find It?

In today’s world, a quick answer might be on your phone (Google, ChatGPT). Ok, they might help…BUT there is an even richer answer, something that has stood the test of time—real life with its myriads of ups and downs.

The riches of a wise older friend’s counsel.

Today I want to share some wisdom I’ve gained from my own Mom, our neighbor Alf, and simply some other thoughts I’ve picked up along the way. My hope is that you will be encouraged to boldly seek out a few older friends for advice.

My mother was the wisest woman I’ve known. Of course, I didn’t think so as a teenager. But today I find myself asking “what would Mom say?” And I find that I remember many of her pithy sayings expressing profound wisdom.

Some of Mom’s Wisdom:

God is working while we are waiting.Waiting stinks, and often we feel put “on hold” about a decision or a longing. It’s easy to feel God isn’t working, or He has forgotten, or He doesn’t know how much “this” means to me. He does. In the winter, we don’t often see anything but bare, yes, ugly ground, yet beneath the surface God is preparing a beautiful spring that will burst forth at just the right time. While we are waiting on Him, He’s always at work.

God is in the details. I need to remember this when I overdo thinking through contingencies: if this happens, then that.. It’s second nature for me to plan, and the reality is I act like I’d do a better job than God. I must remember: He is in control. He’s got “this,” whatever the “this” of the moment is.

There is always data missing. We may be feeling hurt by a “brush-off” from a close friend or an adult child or a colleague. Their reaction may not have anything to do with us. Instead, they may be hurting in ways we don’t know, have wounds from their past of which we are unaware, or have difficult pressures of their own.

Some of Alf’s Wisdom:

Alfred Stanway was our neighbor when we were in our 30’s. In their seventies, he and his wife had been key leaders in the East African Revival of the 1940s-1960s, and their experience and wisdom were remarkable. He came to America as a retired Anglican Bishop to become the first President/Dean of Trinity Anglican Seminary. John used to go have tea with him on a regular basis.

Alf had both pithy statements and profound statements which we still relish. Some of Alf’s pithy ones:

“A little faith and a great God; It’s enough.”

“Prayer, care, and you’re there.”

“Be quick to forgive.”

Three of his profound pieces of wisdom:

Delay is not denial. That relationship with that guy didn’t work out. I didn’t get the job. My child has not returned to the faith. I still haven’t heard from… Delays are frustrating, even painful. But it helps to recognize that delay is not necessarily denial.

When God answers ‘no,’ it’s a ‘love no.’ I was extremely sad because we had been turned down on our offer for our first small house. And it seemed perfect, exactly what we had prayed for. Alf happened to be with us when we got the news.

“Susan,” he gently said, “When God answers a prayer ‘no,’ it’s a love ‘no.’ He may be protecting you from something.”

In time we realized He had protected us. The house was a real fixer-upper, and neither of us is good at that. With five littles and a growing ministry, we had no space to take on something like this. We were naïve.

Interpreting a “no” as a “love no” has helped me in so many ways for so many years.

Remember they are young. John was frustrated because some of the young staff members at our church simply did not seem to want to work very hard. Explaining what was going on to Alf was enlightening. Alf listened and then said, “John, remember they are young.” That simple phrase has helped us many times over the years.

Some wise statements I’ve gleaned along the way (from older friends and just plain life):

Assume the best.

It can be easy to assume that your child hasn’t been in touch because they’ve forgotten about you or taken you for granted or are irritated with you. You could be completely wrong. Their own life may be overwhelming right now, and it’s all they can do to manage their own stuff. You may not have been asked to contribute to a ministry or program the way you desired. It might be easy to assume you aren’t valued. However, the decision may not have anything to do with you. We have to choose to assume the best about someone. However, be warned: It’s much easier to develop a critical spirit. Instead, ask God for His uncommon grace.

Live fully in the season you are currently in.

Every season has both blessings and challenges. Articulate the challenges—don’t deny them—but then choose to focus on the blessings. It’s far too easy to dwell in the past or live waiting for the future. Looking back, I wish I had soaked more fully in the season I was currently in instead of longing for the next. And a wise woman realizes she can’t do everything in one season. Sometimes we have to postpone to the next season something we’d like to be doing now.

ABOVE ALL:

Don’t neglect the rich gift of an older friend. Invite one for coffee. Ask questions like: “As you look back at your life, what is some advice you’d give me? (You don’t have to take their advice, but you will learn from listening to them.)

One of the best gifts an older person can give us is perspective. One who has lived a long time will have greater perspective. This is something we often need.

Solomon was a wise man. God gifted him with rare wisdom. Fortunately for us, much of his wisdom is found in the book of Proverbs. There are 31 Proverbs. Why not read one each day of the month as part of your daily quiet time? You will be blessed.